Friendship: Part II

When I look at or hear this word spoken, I get a very soft and warm feeling at my core. It occurs regardless of whether or not I have any friends in my life. This happens because of the way I interpret the meaning of the word. Not everyone will have the same reaction as me. While I do agree that there are varying degrees of what a friend is, I feel that the actual embodiment of my interpretation of the word is very precious.

I made a post a while back about performance-based relationships. I argued that friendships were performance based. I don't know if I necessarily believe this anymore. While I think there are many people who interpret the word differently than I do who have performance-based friendships; the essence of what a friend is to me, is not at all performance-based. Much how I believe that love for a family member is unrequited, the effort and care you put in to a friendship is very much the same.

It is a bit of a coincidence, but now that I think about it - a manga that I follow consists of a 'friendship' that is a bit one sided. In a nutshell, one of the two boys cares very much about the other - and the other could not care less. The connection I'm making here is that once someone enters your life and makes a significant enough impact on you personally, this person becomes very important to you. In essence this person becomes a friend to you. The importance of this person will never go away. You will always hold them in the highest regard. You will always care about this person. No matter what.

Now, I realize people may change - and eventually drift apart somewhat. But, I think that real friends will never lose contact. The connections that they made in the past will always be important. Unfortunately, I also think that friendships can be one sided. But I think that once you understand and accept the ins and outs of human interpersonal relationships, you can cope with having a one-sided friendship.

I personally think that true two way friendships are actually quite rare. If you have one, consider yourself very lucky. I am making a huge guess here, but I would say that only 1 in 10 people have a true two way friendship in their lifetime that is not performance based.

Imagine a person who will call you just to see that you are doing well. A person who is not fickle. Someone who will not ignore you for any reason. Someone who will do whatever they can to help you. A person you can call and confide in. Someone you can always fall back on. Someone who is not curious, but actually cares about you. A strong and reliable connection you will never lose in this crazy world of ours.

This is what a friend is to me.

Friendship: Part I

I've never really had a best friend. Sure, out of all of my current friends I can pick one out as my closest, but as far as a "best friend" goes, I've never had the pleasure. I'll define "best friend" as someone you talk to more or less on a daily basis, someone you know almost everything about including but not limited to their favorite color, current crushes, and ambitions. From what I know, most of these types of relationships are formed mainly in the years of adolescence. After high school, in addition to life moving very quickly, you are exposed to so many more people. You not only have less time to establish these sort of relationships, but also a plethora of people to choose from.

Most male relationships in my life up to this point have superficial at best. I can't really say female relationships have been much more fulfilling, but there definitely is a significant difference. I admit much of the reason for this has to do with my personality, but also lies in the contrast between the male and female psyche. I'll be honest, I've never been very social. I would even go so far as to call myself a loner, mainly because I'm very picky as to who I associate myself with. Not because I feel as if I am holier than thou, but because I can only stand being around a certain sort of person.

Among the people that I converse with, more of the personal conversations have either been with females, or gay men. Surprising to me is that I have straight male friends who I myself am more similar to, and yet have not gotten very close to. There seems to be some sort of mental block that prevents us from becoming emotionally close. It is for this reason (among others) that we strive so hard to find our female counterpart to share these unexpressed feelings with. This is just a theory of mine.

After watching shows like Sex and the City, if you don't already have someone in your life such as Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda, you start wishing you did. You also get to wondering about what capacity these sort of friendships exist in real life. I would imagine that deeper, more meaningful relationships exist mainly among women friends, while males maintain a more laconic sort of friendship.

So why is there such a strong need to find such a friend? Personally, a like-minded peer I could confide in sounds extremely appealing for more than a few reasons. Being very introspective, I've become pretty self reliant. I don't often reach out for advice, but that extra objective opinion may make all the difference. From my perspective, finding a best friend is very similar to finding a romantic match, which can be extremely challenging. The main difference between a best friend and a romantic partner is the physical intimacy. Sharing similar feelings and exchanging thoughts and opinions provides comfort, for whatever reason, and that is the importance of maintaining that sort of connection. The problem is finding the person and allowing the relationship to mature.

In the meantime, I will continue to be my own best friend.

https://youtu.be/1qIV_4JVEN8

If only straight men could get this close ;D