'Massholes' and Road Rage

Massholes: assholes who live in Massachusetts - automobile drivers in particular. They're real. There are asshole drivers in every state, every town; however, since many areas in Massachusetts are overpopulated cluster fucks (pardon my french), you encounter the assholes much more frequently. Not to mention the awkwardly designed streets.

Having lived in eastern MA for the last several months, I've had a chance to acclimate to the madness - but just when I thought I've seen it all, I encounter the biggest Masshole of them all. I was at an intersection at a green light behind a car that was turning left. We did not have an arrow, so the car in front of me had to wait for the oncoming traffic before making the turn.

I hear this obnoxious beeping behind me and I glance into my rear-view mirror. Some irritated middle-aged fellow making hand gestures and mouthing, "go, go!".  He was alone. He certainly wasn't driving anyone pregnant to the hospital. Maybe he had to shit? We had to wait a good 15 seconds before the driver in front of me look his left turn. Sadly there wasn't room on the right for us to pass.

So we finally are able to proceed. I speed up to about 5-10 MPH above the speed limit. I had given him the benefit of the doubt - perhaps he didn't see the car in front of me at the intersection. Meanwhile he's on my ass, continuing his beeping, hand gestures, and mouthing. There's no way he could have missed the car in front of me take the left - so he must be a MASSHOLE (or so I assumed).

I got particularly aggravated because the previous day at work wasn't particularly a good one. Feeling the need to teach this ass a lesson, I first pumped my brakes slightly in an attempt to communicate to him to maintain his distance. Since that didn't work, I slammed on my brakes HARD, almost coming to a complete stop, stuck my left arm out of the window and flipped him the bird. I then sped off. I could hear him shouting something out of the window and his horn blaring.

By the way - this is NEVER a good idea. He pulls along side me at the next stop light and we have a quick, stupid conversation. I start - "YOU IN A RUSH?". He had a silly, 'artsy' kangol hat on and had a slight Boston accent. Masshole - "It doesn't matter! There's a SPEED LIMIT", "NEVER do that again. You now have the cops looking for you." He then sped off. Really, he called cops on ME? In the words of Jerry Lundegaard from Fargo, "What the Christ!".

I would have prefered to continue the conversation since what he said made absolutely no sense. I was actually traveling over the speed limit. Also, the rules of the road clearly state a safe following distance. He was so close, I couldn't even see this his headlights in my rear-view. I spent the rest of the day trying to justify my actions and understand the idiot's behavior. I just couldn't let it go.

Later that night, I felt like an idiot. I shouldn't have slammed on my brakes. 1. it was dangerous. He could have actually hit me - and that wouldn't have been pretty. 2. Did I really think I could teach him a lesson? All it did was anger him. Sadly, there is no easy solution to fixing this type of behavior. If anything, I made the situation worse and perpetuated Masshole Monster.

I should have calmly pulled over and let him pass. Besides, even though this is unlikely, it is possible he was actually in an emergency situation. You never really know, so it is always best to play it SAFE. NEVER think you can teach someone a lesson on the road. It won't happen.

This leads me to another conversation - why are there so many people in a rush? Why is it that just because you're in vehicle, you think this permits you to endanger people's lives? There are likely a variety of explanations - but I think the big reason is that lots of folks are UNHAPPY. I normally wouldn't have reacted the way I did - but because I was slightly on edge because of my bad day at work, I acted like an aggressive idiot.

Instead of asking the Masshole, "In a rush?" - perhaps the more appropriate question would have been, "having a bad life?". But really, you shouldn't say or do ANYTHING that puts your safety in jeopardy. Don't let someone else's bad life ruin your day. Don't let yourself become another asshole in Massachusetts.
/End rant.

p.s. I never saw or heard from the cops.

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