12/30/2017

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: Book Review


Dork score: 7/10

Many people in my life, including myself care too much about many silly things that we are better off moving past. I picked this up in attempt to help solve that problem. After reading it, I feel it's worth sharing. 

Having never read a strictly defined self-help book, I have nothing to compare this to (except perhaps 'Weird in a World That's Not' - which is a career guide), but as far as books in general go, I quite enjoyed this one! I'd say this is more of a life guide than a self-help book. I think anyone can benefit from reading this, even if you don't think you have any particular personal issues.

I had never heard of Mark Manson, so I visited his website. Immediately I was concerned he may be a bit of a smug fellow. The first sentence reads, "I am the NY Times bestselling author of the Subtle Art...". "I give life advice that doesn't suck". Way to toot your own horn, sir! How about simply and humbly stating you're the author of so and so? Is he really rating your own material? And here begins my short rant of the cons of this book:

It's funny that he mentions being humble in this book. There are a few subtle spots in the book where you can see a bit of conceit seep through - and at least two giant spots. The first is right in chapter 1 where he lays out a center-aligned, what I'm sure he thinks is a clever few lines of a personal philosophy. He then continues the chapter saying, "I'll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain and maybe read that again.". Mark, if I wanted and or needed to read those lines again, I would. I don't need you to tell me to because you think it's clever. Then second glaring smug bit comes later in the book where he names a life methodology after himself: the 'Manson's Law of Avoidance'. It's also a bit contradictory of him to discuss uncertainly so much and simultaneously, in several chapters, list bullet points on how things are. Judging from my short experience, I think it may just be part of his brand and marketing technique, hence the attention grabbing title.

Another small annoyance was some of the chapter/section headings; some of them just don't make sense and rather act like as attention grabbers. The title of the book is one of them, as this book is more about what to give a f*ck about. The subtitle as well... I found that many things discussed really aren't counterintuitive at all. Another example is the title of the first chapter: 'Don't try'. He even attempt to paraphrase Albert Camus with these exact words. This is a fail, Mark.

p. 10 "You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life". - Albert Camus

End of cons rant. Now that I've gotten that out of the way and moving past my skepticism, here's what I liked:

Despite the minor drawbacks, this blog-like book is very well thought out. Mark is and was originally a blogger, so it makes sense that this is likely a compilation of blog posts. It's written from a perspective of his personal experiences with tons of interesting anecdotes and famous quotes mixed in. At first, I thought the book was going to be a bit comical - given the flashy title and orange cover. While there is some humor such as the invention of his fictional superhero, the Disappointment Panda - the remainder of the book is quite serious, presented in a way that grabs your attention since it is direct and truthful. Thankfully, the use of the F-word is limited.

There is a lot I can personally identify with here. Much of the book reminds me of the philosophy of existentialism and the idea of the absurd. Basically, you are responsible for yourself and your own happiness and there is no objective meaning in this life besides what we give it. For the most part, it's not you against the world, it's you versus yourself.

I liked the section about failure when Mark compares adult failures to baby failures. When babies are learning to walk and they repeatedly fall down. Sure they cry, but do they ever give up and say to themselves, 'maybe this whole walking thing just isn't' for me'?

A good chunk of chapter 8 is devoted to relationship advice. Mark is quite well known for this type of advice as he even has a book called, "Models: attract women through honesty'. I quite liked the explanation of the unhealthy relationship between the saver and the victim. Boiled down - two people shouldn't be wholly dependent on one another.

The last chapter is about death. For many, this human realization drives how we live and what choices we make. Mark references the work of Ernest Becker - 'The Denial of Death' - which he won a Pulitzer prize for, ironically after his death. I will likely give this a read in the future. The quote below struck a chord in me.

p. 204 "The Stoics of ancient Greece and Rome implored people to keep death in mind at all times, in order to appreciate life more and remain humble in the face of its adversities.". - Mark Manson / Greeks/Romans

There are only a few times in my life when I thought I may perish - even if the events actually posed no real risk. One of the times I was in a plane. I somehow developed a fear of flying after working at a jet engine manufacturing company. Although statistically speaking, there is very little chance of the plane crashing - knowing how complicated the engines are and how many little pieces make up the engines - as well as knowing all the possibilities of what could go wrong, I just couldn't accept the fact that these possibilities have very, very small probabilities of happening.

In any case, when we landed and after stepping off the plane I felt my life was all of a sudden very valuable and precious. This is the type of reminder the above quote is all about. All of my 'problems' suddenly seemed so insignificant. I felt alive and I wanted to live.  Unfortunately and strangely enough, this feeling wore off rather quickly. And honestly, I'm not sure if simply reminding yourself is enough.

Mark even goes so far as to intentionally dangle himself off a cliff in South Africa in the Cape of Good Hope, which I am assuming with intention to more feel alive (which is a bit idiotic in my opinion). In our mundane, daily lives we become a bit numb - like monotonous zombies or perhaps on the other side of spectrum we are continuously irritated by silly things. Since we rarely ever have near-death experiences and just thinking about it isn't the same, I wonder what the better option is besides living on the edge?

Here are some additional insightful quotes:

p. 101 "if people in your relationships are selfish and doings hurtful things, it's likely you are too, you just don't realize it.". "People who date each other tend to have similar values". - Mark Manson

p. 102 "taking responsibility for our problems is more important, because that's where the real learning comes from" - Mark Manson

p. 119 "we assume we already know how the story ends" "certainty is the enemy of growth" - Mark Manson

p. 145 "... if it feels like it's you versus the world, chances are it's really just you versus yourself.". - Mark Manson

p. 170 "To truly appreciate something, you must confine yourself to it." - Mark Manson

p. 201 "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time" - Mark Twain

p. 208 "We're all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us lover each other, but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by life's trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing." - Charles Bukowski

A great way to spend the last few days of my 2017 vacation - paving way to a revitalized perspective going into the new year.

12/28/2017

What's a Muse?

The former title of this blog: 'Muse Parade'.

One of the more common uses for the word, 'muse' is for the nine inspirational Greek goddesses. This is not what I had in mind when I created the blog title, 'muse parade', but a parade of inspirational goddesses sounds pretty cool too! I'm just now getting familiar with what each of the nine represent.

Calliope - muse of epic/heroic poetry (the superior muse)
Melpomene - muse of tragedy
Thalia - muse of comedy & idyllic poetry
Polyhymnia - muse of sacred poetry, agriculture, geometry, grammar
Clio - muse of  history
Euterpe - muse of music
Erato - lyric and/or love poetry
Terpsichore - muse of dance
Urania - muse of astronomy & astronomical writing

This blog is obviously not about poetry. I have never really been into poetry. I actually have bad memories of being graded on my interpretation of poetry in grade school - as if the poems had only one interpretation. I think poetry is beautiful and complex and likely most poems have multiple interpretations - highly dependent on the audience.

Poetry was a huge form of art and communication to Greek gods. However, I think that poetry in this case extends beyond just poems - to other forms of intellectual endeavors such as science and other forms of literature. Zeus 'created' his nine daughters to be inspirational objects - sort of go-to personifications.

Polyhymnia is probably the closest muse to what inspires many of my posts. She is usually depicted in a meditative stance.

Primary source:
https://owlcation.com/humanities/Muses-Nine-Goddesses-of-Greek-Mythology

Depending on the dictionary you use to look up the word, 'muse' you'll get different definitions. Typically though you'll get noun and verb definitions. This is the definition I had in mind when I created the blog title (from Merriam-Webster): [muse: a state of deep thought or dreamy abstraction]. Attempting to create a clever title, I came up with Muse Parade, which I intended to represent, a parade (public display) of deep thought. In hindsight, I should have chosen something a bit less cryptic.

Firewatch: Video Game Review

Dork score: 9/10

What a beautiful escape! A game categorized as a 'walking' simulator.. although it's more like a hiking simulator.

This is a video game, but it's more like an interactive film - much like the walking dead games. You get to make responses in conversation, but I don't believe it has an bearing on the story outcome.

It is very similar to another game I played a while back called, 'Gone Home'. I actually prefer the depth of the story in Gone Home over Firewatch, but the overall I enjoyed Firewatch more. Both provide a rich story driven experience, while Firewatch is more about the outdoor visuals. I really got drawn into the environments - sunsets, horizons, and mountain views.

The story is linear. No fighting. No challenge. These sound like negatives for a video game, but it's really about the immersive experience - and escape, which is the main character's purpose. I feel the core story could have been more complex and length of the game could have been extended. Fingers crossed for a sequel!

Firewatch Steam store page:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/383870/Firewatch/

Gone Home Steam store page:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/232430/Gone_Home/

12/27/2017

Cat Quest: Video Game Review


Dork score: 8/10

I picked this game up from Steam and played on Windows. Also available for Mac OS.

This is a super cute, but short-lived R.P.G. (role-playing game). This game is fun, but not very challenging; it's a standard hack and slash with some spell casting mixed in.  The main story takes 4-6 hours to complete with a ton of side quests.

Excellent visuals, smooth game play, and tons of cat puns! The game ends with a cliffhanger, so hope they are planning a sequel. $8 well spent!

http://store.steampowered.com/app/593280/Cat_Quest/

12/26/2017

The Science of Fasting: Documentary Review


Dork score: 8/10

Found on Amazon Prime video.

This is a very intriguing documentary about fasting - out of France under the title, 'Le jeûne, une nouvelle thérapie?' - which Google translates to: 'Fasting, a new therapy?'. It covers large groups of people who fast for the potential health benefits as well as some of the science behind it presented by legitimate scientists such as Dr. Valter Longo from the university of southern California.

The science presented seems very convincing and eye-opening. This was an excellent method to whet my appetite for further research of fasting in general and of finding effective and natural ways to live a more healthy and longer life.

Much like a recent book I read, called 'Brain Maker' - this documentary seemingly attempts to sell fasting as a cure-all (this book also mentions the potential benefits of fasting).  While I believe both fasting and maintaining a well-balanced gut microbiome have health benefits, I don't think the techniques discussed definitively provide a miracle cure. However, I do think these areas of study need more attention and research because the findings presented are potentially profound.

One thing these two sources having going for them to make them more convincing is that they really aren't trying to sell any kind of product. They aren't benefiting from folks following this advice. Unfortunately it's for this very reason that funding for future research is limited. Mattson has been funded by the NIH (National Institutes of Health) who are non-profit.

Doing a bit of online research, I stumbled upon yet another, equally interesting documentary by BBC on fasting, which also featured Dr. Longo:
Link to 2012 BBC Documentary on Fasting

Link to Mark Mattson STEM talk

Fasting article by the John Hopkins Health Review featuring Mark Mattson:
Link to article

It's really quite amazing what happens when you stop eating. My first concern about fasting was this: don't we need constant nutrients to be healthy? Wouldn't we start losing muscle mass if we stop eating? It turns out the answer to these questions are, 'no'.

Interestingly enough, our body is 'smart' enough to power our bodies efficiently for long periods of time without food. Over time, though evolution, our body has 'learned' to use its reserves in the proper order, in the most beneficial ratios. After 12 hours of not eating, the body begins to use its reserves, starting with glucose - which has been converted to glycogen in the liver (exhausted after about 24 hours of fasting), then a mixture of fats (which gets converted to ketone bodies as an alternative fuel), and protein (from muscle, which gets converted to glucose). A study of male emperor penguins (who regularly go long periods without food) and also lab rats yielded results that say only 4% of energy is taken from protein and the other 96% is taken from fats (lipids). It is assumed that the story is similar for humans.

Mark Mattson's studies suggest that these ketones help with the structure of brain synapses. Instead of regularly being fueled by sugar, the brain is now fueled by ketones, from fat (lipids). If you keep eating, say 3 meals a day, you will never deplete the liver's glucose, and therefore won't generate these beneficial ketone bodies. However, exercise will have a similar affect to fasting, since when you work out, you tap into the glucose in the liver. Matton's big suggestion is a '5:2' diet: 500 calories for 2 non-consecutive days, and a 'normal' 2000 calorie diet for the remaining 5 days.

Dr. Mattson's TEDx talk:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UkZAwKoCP8&vl=en
(Discusses how fasting helps your brain)

Dr. Longo's TEDx talk:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVArDzYynYc
(Discusses regeneration of cells and immune system)


In our hunter-gatherer days, I'm sure we needed to go many days without food. Our bodies over time had to evolve to allow this. It is said the human body can go several weeks without food - even longer if your body contains large amounts of fat reserves.

The biggest concern I'm sure most people have is, isn't fasting dangerous? I think it can be, but it depends on your body type if you have any sort of condition. I think overall, it is very safe to do so for most people. Obviously if you have any sort of condition or if you take medication, you want to discuss fasting with your PCP. Otherwise, from what I've seen so far, I don't see any danger in it - at least for a day or two to start out with. A way to both save money and get healthier? Why aren't more people trying this? Probably because of the strong feeling of hunger. And we're always told to listen to our bodies, right? Well, what about when my brain is craving a whole bucket of ice cream?

To wrap up, this area of study needs more attention. It needs more scientific funding and human trials to provide rigor to the argument. However, it is pretty compelling so far.

12/23/2017

Stuff Matters: Audiobook Review

Dork score: 8/10

Did you know diamond and pencil lead (graphite) are made of the same element, carbon? Did you know graphite is more stable than diamond despite diamond being harder? These are the kinds of things discussed in this quick intro to material science.

It is delivered by a mix of direct descriptive science and mildly interesting story telling. I could do without one drawn-out story in particular and I would have enjoyed it just the same - if not more if the author had included more science - or at least more interesting tidbits.

 I wish it was longer, but I like it for what it was probably meant for - just like 'Astrophysics for People in a Hurry' by Neil deGrasse Tyson, which I also enjoyed. Perhaps the author should have titled this book, 'Material Science for People in a Hurry'.

Are you remotely curious about the materials around you? Do you have a small amount of time on your hands? I'd recommend your read or listen to this book.

12/03/2017

Weird in a World That's Not: Book Review


Dork score: 6/10

The title of this book is misleading. It's what initially attracted me to read it - but I ended up enjoying it anyway, just not for the reason I thought I would.

This book is a great career guide for anyone. Some of it is geared toward a female audience, but as a male it's nice to have the female prospective. Very little of this pertains directly to misfits, f*ckups, or failures - it's just communicated by someone who didn't have the 'traditional', linear path to success. 

After having read the book, I am judging it by its title. I feel slightly let down by the lack of insight from a self-proclaimed misfit. I expected more WEIRD from this book; what I got is more of the same, standard career advice.

On a side note, let me question this statement: "Weird in a world that's not". Well, I think the world is weird. There is no normal. Having this in mind, the title of the book now fits everyone.

Overall, this is a good, honestly written career guide by a woman who struggled and fought to get where she wanted to be. I especially enjoyed 'pick your own adventure' style chapter. More than a few of these sections reminded me of situations I've been in myself as we all others I know. It was also great to have the perspective of a person in a managerial position.

I'm glad I read it, despite the slightly misleading title.

11/24/2017

Brain Maker: Book Review


7/10

Eat more kimchi and you will live forever. If only this was true! ;)

I literally just finished this audio book as I was pulling into my driveway with an immunologist (my wife) in the passenger seat...what a coincidence!

The major reason I don't give this book a higher rating is because I can't verify all of the scientific assertions and conclusions. Listening to this audio book as a non-scientist, it all sounds legitimate since he lists scientific papers and such.

Another reason is that the author makes it sound like his diet suggestions are a cure-all for almost any ailment or disease you may encounter - even going so far as suggest altering your gut microbiome can cure ADHD and even very serious diseases such as multiple sclerosis.

BUT, this is an amazing book nonetheless and I think everyone should read it. He does go into the detailed science, but not far enough to lose the layman. I know for a fact there is TONS of current research on this subject and that fecal matter transplants (FMT) have been proven to be successful.

It's time to add several pro gut bacteria foods to my diet! And apparently filter my tap water for chlorine and avoid antibiotics at all costs.

Relevant article:
https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2019/02/24/696272090/cultured-a-look-at-how-foods-can-help-the-microbes-inside-us-thrive

11/17/2017

Epistory - Typing Chronicles: Video Game Review

Dork score: 9/10

This is a beautiful and extremely unique adventure game. You progress through a somewhat elusive story line entirely by typing out letters and words to defeat monsters.

This game doesn't teach you how to type, but will exercise your typing ability and force you type faster in order to progress through the game.

I thought I was pretty good at typing, but I did die several times for failing to type fast enough. You will also need to multitask by switching your spell casting to defeat different types of monsters. I was happy to see this game pose quite a challenge.

I do wish the story was a bit more fleshed out, but overall I was not disappointed. What a gem!

http://store.steampowered.com/app/398850/Epistory__Typing_Chronicles/

11/11/2017

Walden & Civil Disobedience: Book Review


Dork score: 6/10

I liked it, but I have mixed feelings. 

To describe it briefly, this was a poetic, beautifully written snooze fest with some interesting ideas about how to live simply. He can seem very condescending, especially when he spouts his Latin expressions, but I don't think he means to be.

I 'read' this as an audio book, so I may have missed some of the finer points, so I may re-read a physical copy of this in the future - but probably not. 

10/10/2017

Confessions of a Surgeon: Book Review


Dork score: 6/10

This was an interesting inside view of the life of a surgeon. It had its interesting points and funny and/or heartfelt stories, but the writing style leaves something to be desired.

One glaring flaw is how repetitive the stories are and points he's trying to make. Still, I enjoyed it.

9/22/2017

'Massholes' and Road Rage

Massholes: assholes who live in Massachusetts - automobile drivers in particular. They're real. There are asshole drivers in every state, every town; however, since many areas in Massachusetts are overpopulated cluster fucks (pardon my french), you encounter the assholes much more frequently. Not to mention the awkwardly designed streets.

Having lived in eastern MA for the last several months, I've had a chance to acclimate to the madness - but just when I thought I've seen it all, I encounter the biggest Masshole of them all. I was at an intersection at a green light behind a car that was turning left. We did not have an arrow, so the car in front of me had to wait for the oncoming traffic before making the turn.

I hear this obnoxious beeping behind me and I glance into my rear-view mirror. Some irritated middle-aged fellow making hand gestures and mouthing, "go, go!".  He was alone. He certainly wasn't driving anyone pregnant to the hospital. Maybe he had to shit? We had to wait a good 15 seconds before the driver in front of me look his left turn. Sadly there wasn't room on the right for us to pass.

So we finally are able to proceed. I speed up to about 5-10 MPH above the speed limit. I had given him the benefit of the doubt - perhaps he didn't see the car in front of me at the intersection. Meanwhile he's on my ass, continuing his beeping, hand gestures, and mouthing. There's no way he could have missed the car in front of me take the left - so he must be a MASSHOLE (or so I assumed).

I got particularly aggravated because the previous day at work wasn't particularly a good one. Feeling the need to teach this ass a lesson, I first pumped my brakes slightly in an attempt to communicate to him to maintain his distance. Since that didn't work, I slammed on my brakes HARD, almost coming to a complete stop, stuck my left arm out of the window and flipped him the bird. I then sped off. I could hear him shouting something out of the window and his horn blaring.

By the way - this is NEVER a good idea. He pulls along side me at the next stop light and we have a quick, stupid conversation. I start - "YOU IN A RUSH?". He had a silly, 'artsy' kangol hat on and had a slight Boston accent. Masshole - "It doesn't matter! There's a SPEED LIMIT", "NEVER do that again. You now have the cops looking for you." He then sped off. Really, he called cops on ME? In the words of Jerry Lundegaard from Fargo, "What the Christ!".

I would have prefered to continue the conversation since what he said made absolutely no sense. I was actually traveling over the speed limit. Also, the rules of the road clearly state a safe following distance. He was so close, I couldn't even see this his headlights in my rear-view. I spent the rest of the day trying to justify my actions and understand the idiot's behavior. I just couldn't let it go.

Later that night, I felt like an idiot. I shouldn't have slammed on my brakes. 1. it was dangerous. He could have actually hit me - and that wouldn't have been pretty. 2. Did I really think I could teach him a lesson? All it did was anger him. Sadly, there is no easy solution to fixing this type of behavior. If anything, I made the situation worse and perpetuated Masshole Monster.

I should have calmly pulled over and let him pass. Besides, even though this is unlikely, it is possible he was actually in an emergency situation. You never really know, so it is always best to play it SAFE. NEVER think you can teach someone a lesson on the road. It won't happen.

This leads me to another conversation - why are there so many people in a rush? Why is it that just because you're in vehicle, you think this permits you to endanger people's lives? There are likely a variety of explanations - but I think the big reason is that lots of folks are UNHAPPY. I normally wouldn't have reacted the way I did - but because I was slightly on edge because of my bad day at work, I acted like an aggressive idiot.

Instead of asking the Masshole, "In a rush?" - perhaps the more appropriate question would have been, "having a bad life?". But really, you shouldn't say or do ANYTHING that puts your safety in jeopardy. Don't let someone else's bad life ruin your day. Don't let yourself become another asshole in Massachusetts.
/End rant.

p.s. I never saw or heard from the cops.

9/21/2017

Symptoms of Being Human: Book Review


Dork score: 6/10

Not quite what I was expecting. It has a bit of a slow start, but kept my interest. Reads like a non-fiction memoir / coming of age story for a gender-fluid high school student.

9/04/2017

Alone: Orphaned on the Ocean: Book Review


Dork score: 6/10

Interesting true story of a traumatic survival experience and the lasting effects.

7/23/2017

A Game of Thrones: Book Review


EDIT: RIP Roy Dotrice. You will be missed!

Dork score: 10/10

Surprisingly almost identical to the show w/ some minor differences. Amazing voice and storytelling for the audiobook by Roy Dotrice. Unbeknownst to me, he's a well-known actor and actually made it into the Guinness Work Records for highest number of character voices for this book. Could listen to him all day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHo_BqKbkCM

6/29/2017

Invisible Monsters: Book Review


Dork score: 5/10

This couldn't grab my attention. I like Palahnuik's writing style, but perhaps more so in my young to mid twenties.

The only reason I finished reading it is because I've enjoyed his other novels and thought it may get better. The most popular novel being, 'Fight Club' - which was made into a film.

Perhaps my writing-style pallet is 'evolving' over time....

4/19/2017

After The Quake: Book Review


Dork score: 7/10

Interesting string of fictional short stories of how the Kobe's 1995 earthquake affected people's psyche.

3/13/2017

Lisey's Story: Audiobook Review


Dork score: 6/10

Apparently I forgot to review this book after I finished reading it. I'm trying to make it a habit, even if the review is just a few sentences long.

Like most of King's novels (or is is this a 'novella'?), this is very long and drawn out - but has its charm and scattered morsels of excitement. I may or may not have missed some of these morsels as I was listening to the audio book on my way to work. I feel most of King's larger books can be condensed and still hold the same value; this one is no exception.

Despite being way too long, I enjoyed the interesting psychological and science fiction bits.

1/28/2017

Beneath the Wheel: Book Review


Dork score: 10/10

This novel reminds me a lot of the film, Dead Poets Society. They share essentially the same theme. I wouldn't be surprised if the writer of the script was inspired by this book - since the book was published in 1906 and the film released roughly 83 years later.

Excellent book.

1/11/2017

The Shark Attack: Receipt Paper Note Part IV

[ I'm at a public pool. There are a bunch of people in the water swimming around and having a good time. I'm sitting down with a few friends. We're just looking out at the water. Somehow there don't seem to be as many people in the water as before. I didn't see anyone leave. I tell my friends, but they don't acknowledge me and continue staring at the water.
I stand up and walk over to the water's edge. Something definitely isn't right. I look over at an old man doing the backstroke. He is the only one left in the pool. How is that possible?
One arm in, one arm out, kicking his legs as he moves along at a swift pace. I'm always amazed by old folks who can just keep swimming and swimming. I keep my eyes on the old man. One arm in, the other arm....... is missing!

The old man splashes around and seems to be having a panic attack. He looks in my direction and desperately calls for help. "Shark!! Help me!!", he screams. I turn around and shout at my friends to come help me rescue the old man. But they're still just sitting there not responding to me. I turn back around in the old man's direction.. but he is not there.

I start sweating. I start scanning the water for any sign of the old man... running up and down the edge of the pool. I can't believe there's no sign of him. I run back over to my friends... are they even my friends? They are complete zombies; they just sit there. I don't understand what is going.
"Help!" The old man is alive. He's at the edge of the water, clutching the area where his arm used to exist. I quickly grab my beach towel and run over to him. "Pull me out of the water! Please!" He is bleeding profusely - not only from his arm, but what appear to bite marks all around his body. I muster up the strength, grab his only arm, pull as hard as I can until his whole body is out of the water.

I use my towel to wrap up his wound as best I can. "Thank you. I thought I was a goner. Tell your friends not to go in the water." - as he looked over my shoulder. I turn around to see all of them standing there behind us, looking out at the water. Why were they not concerned about the old man? They begin to walk toward the water. "Don't go in the water!", we both shout. We can't seem to get through to them. "You will die! It isn't safe. Look what happened to this old man!". Still they kept walking on. They all jumped into the water and swam out to the middle of the pool.

One by one they're pulled down beneath the surface - most of them being torn to shreds. Some manage to come up above the surface just long enough shout for help. All of a suddenly they have voices again. I look over at the old man, horrified at what is happening. "I warned them! Why wouldn't they listen??", I said. "You tried, my boy. It's too late for them." The old man and I just sat there watching this madness unfold. ]

Okay, so I admit I spiced this one up a bit - I don't think I've ever had a dream with actual dialogue in it. However, this modified version does capture the essence of my dream.

1/10/2017

My Original Nightmare: Receipt Paper Note Part III

What could a five year old boy, having an ordinary life, be so afraid of that he leaps down what seemed to be an entire flight of stairs to escape?

I'll tell you. But it doesn't make any sense. The contents had no tie to his reality. It's just a dark and deeply terrifying experience which likely can't be captured here with tiny, un-scary letters. But, I'll to to explain what he experienced about once a month, for about a year.

[ My Original Nightmare

It's dark, very dark, but there is a glimmer of moonlight on the horizon - but I can barely see the outline of my arms and hands. I'm in a big lake, but I can't see the edge. There is no boat. Am I in the water? I don't know. I can't just be hovering over the water.... ? My legs aren't visible... so they must be in the water - but I am not moving at all. How am I not sinking? It's not ice because I can make a splash - but there is no sound. Everything is so still and quiet. I keep looking around. There is nothing. Maybe this isn't a lake...am I in the middle of an ocean? That can't be....

The light source, as small as it was, seemed to be receding. I panic and begin to paddle my way toward the light. I'm not moving very fast. Am I moving at all? Aside from the light source, there was no way to tell if I had moved from my original position.

I am alone - or so I initially believe. I can feel something. There is still no sound, but I know something is behind me. I can feel a sort of tugging.... not on my physical body... what is this feeling? It's pulling at me... I swivel around but still see nothing. I'm being pulled away from the light. This force... it wants something... it wants to pull me in.. it wants to smother me...it wants to kill me.

I have to get away. I try and I try and I try...but I am not moving. I feel like I am going to die. I can sense the intention of this..... this thing.... this evil.... this nothingness....tears are steaming down my face and in to the water.... my body is being engulfed, my existence is collapsing, I close my eyes and I start to accept my fate.... but I realize I can't give up. I can NEVER give up.

I force my eyes open. I am no longer in the lake. I can move my legs. I stand up and look it around. It still still dark. I look around slowly... just as I look over my shoulder, I see a large, dark mass in the distance.........and I hear a low growl from the same direction. My skin crawls and my hair stands on end and my eyes widen as the fear takes hold of me. I scream as loud as I can as I start running in opposite direction. There's a light and I run for it. Through a doorway and down a dark hallway... the light becomes more intense. I quickly look behind me and the darkness follows - it is all along the walls and moving quickly behind me.

I come to a flight of stairs and take a leap of faith as I try to save my own life. As I am flying through the air I can see the darkness following still along the wall. I don't know what's going to happen. By instinct I grab at the railing to slow my fall as I approach the last few steps. I slam into the stairs and the railing as gravity takes over, toppling over at the bottom of the stairs. My back is against a wall and I am looking up at the stairs from the bottom. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to burst out of my throat. But there was nothing. Just the staircase in my house that leads up to my bedroom.

My parents crash out of bed and rush over to me, startled to find me out of breath crumbled up at the bottom of the stairs. I was finally safe. Or so I thought. ]

Little did I know this would be a recurring dream. The stair incident only happened once and it never was quite as scary as the first time, but I always woke up in a sweat. To this day, I have no idea what caused such a dream. Like I said, my childhood was fairly ordinary. Nothing bad or scary ever happened to me and I don't remember being particularly afraid of the dark. One thing I can think of was that I lived in Alaska during the period of the monthly dreams.The days were short, so I had to make the most out of the sunlight.

Some things just can't be explained I suppose. Perhaps I was more afraid of the dark than I remember. Or perhaps something did happen - but has since been purged from my memory. I think the most likely scenario however, is that it was just an innate fear that randomly manifested itself. The dream did stop, thankfully - but I will never forget it. I have never been more scared in my life.

Receipt Paper Note Origin

The T-Rex Attack: Receipt Paper Note Part II

[ I'm in a shopping mall walking through the aisle, mostly just wandering around and people watching. Suddenly a friggin' T-Rex crashes through wall of the building Jurassic park style and starts to roar like in the movies. Naturally I begin running away like everyone else. Out of all the friggin' people in the mall, it starts chasing after me. (Of course it is - it's my nightmare after all)

I try to think quickly how I can get away so I turn in to one of the department stores hoping it didn't see me. I was hiding in a clothes rack peeking through some shirt sleeves over at the window to the store. And there it was. It's gigantic head just outside the glass, fogging up the window as it breathed. It must have had my scent or something because I knew it couldn't see me; I was so still after all! A T-Rex can only see movement, according to the movie!

I knew it was waiting for me. It was just sitting there, panting, looking through the department store's window with it's freakishly huge eyeball - straining to locate me. I knew the moment I moved, it would lunge at me and likely bite me in half. I'm dead, I thought. I couldn't go back the way I came - and if I moved a muscle it would be able to tell where I was. I decided I needed to risk it. I was betting there was a rear entrance to the store; if I was fast enough I'd be able to escape.

That bastard was dead-set on eating me. It was not going to leave me alone. I knew it was true, so I took action. I ran as fast as I could toward the back of the store. But what the hell am I stepping on as I run...peanut butter and molasses?  I look  down and see nothing... it's just a regular floor...I hear the glass window shatter into pieces as the big bastard roars again and starts stampeding in my direction.

Just like in the first movie, instead of being helpless on a toilet bowl, I'm stuck in some sort of imaginary peanut butter glue as I stare up on this monster about to have his lunch - me. In a flash it has it's jaws around my body - about to sink it's teeth in - and then someone hits the rewind button. I'm transported to another scene. I'm confused. And then I wake up. ]

That is all. Until next time.

Receipt Paper Note Origin

1/08/2017

The Expensive Football: Receipt Paper Note Part I

I used to work at a drugstore as a cashier and I was extremely bored most of the time. Whenever I was up at the register and there were no customers, you are supposed to find something productive to do like sweep the floor, or straighten out the candy selection. Instead - when I knew the manager wasn't keeping an eye on me - which I'm assuming he did often, I would let my mind wander and I would jot down random notes on receipt paper that I would manually feed through the machine. The notes include random ideas or memories - either from actual experiences or dreams.

I did this quite often, so I accumulated a pile of receipt-paper notes that I never got rid of. I've been carrying them around, from apartment to apartment, held together by a big binder clip. I thought I would share some of them.

[ 'The Expensive Football'

I think I was around 10 years old. My mother and I were in a store - probably a Target or Walmart. As we were walking down one of the aisles, I spotted one of those big cages full of balls - you know, the ones that usually contain either basketballs, bouncy balls, foam balls. Like most kids, I grabbed one to play with while we were shopping. I don't quite remember what kind of ball it was, but I think it may have been a small foam football of some sort.

As we approached the registers to check out, I asked my mother if she would buy the ball for me. She almost immediate say, "No". I can't remember the wording exactly, but I believe she said it was pricey and that I wouldn't even play with it much. I didn't cry, but became quite sad that I wouldn't get to keep the ball I had grown fond of in the last twenty minutes or so. I don't recall if I put up a fight or begged - or if she just felt bad and sensed my disappointment, but she gave in and bought the ball for me.

At first I was happy, but later on during the drive home I started to feel bad. My family wasn't poor, but we weren't too well off either. I realized maybe I shouldn't have asked for the ball. Maybe I should have just been happy with the toys I already had. Right after getting back home and just as both my mother and I got out of the car, I told her how I felt. She told me, yes the ball was a little expensive, but as long as I enjoyed it, that would make the purchase worthwhile. I smiled and went off to play. I played with the ball for the remainder of the day. I felt better about the purchase and I was determined to get as much joy out of it as possible. ]

This is more or less a true story. I don't know what happened to that ball, but I think I kept it for at least a little while and played with it several more times. Sadly, those foam balls don't last forever before they start to break apart. I wasn't a dramatic child; from what I remember and what I've been told. I was pretty mellow, much like I am now, so I don't think I put up a fuss or begged too much for that ball. I actually don't remember begging for much of anything as a child - and I don't think it had much to do with my family's finances.

If I were to extract a moral of the story, it would be to make the best of the situation - whatever the situation might be. Express how you feel and do something about it.

That's all for now. Stay tuned...


Moving

 Trying out a different platform: https://museparade.wordpress.com/