The Blogsphere

After a little early spring cleaning, I came across a comic strip my mother cut out for me a few years ago, as seen above. I was always very quiet and I used to blog often because writing was my strong form of communication. So you can see why my mother thought this comic was funny. I found a similar one on the internet, which can be seen below. I think the purpose that they were created was to poke fun at some people's need to jot down every detail of their life and post it on the internet.

Especially nowadays, communication between parties such as child and parent is reduced to light chit chat, while most emotions and feelings get expressed through a vast social network known as the internet. It's no longer enough to just experience something and share it with a few close friends. By posting your thoughts on the internet, you're exposing yourself to many more people, and so you're likely to get much more feedback. And we all love feedback.

Limits of Human Kind

I was at a party a few days ago and I found myself playing the ever popular Guitar Hero with some friends. I was a bit drunk at the time so I wasn't playing as well as I could have if I were sober, but I wasn't doing too bad. On the song selection screen, I paused on one of the songs towards the bottom that sparked a memory. A few summers ago I played this game non-stop for weeks. I mastered the lower levels quite fast. As the songs got progressively harder, I spent more and more time trying to get the technique right. When I got to that one song though, I hit a brick wall. After a few hours of playing the same song over and over again and becoming increasingly frustrated, I shut the game off and went for a jog. I would come back to that one song the next day, the day after that, and so on until after about a week when I finally was able to complete it. I did a little celebration dance and then continued on to the next song. I did worse on this song than I did my first attempt on the previous one. Figuring it would take me 2 weeks this time, I decided to find something else to do with my time.

You start to wonder, is there a point at which there is no hope for improvement? On my jog I thought back to a concept I learned about back in high school algebra. You have a distance you have to travel, but you can only go half way each step. You get considerably closer with each step, but you'll never actually get there. You might never get there, but you'll also never stop getting closer. This is the idea of a limit. Putting this in real-life terms, the idea of that limit would equivalent to absolute truth, which is the goal of science.

I personally have a hard to time believing humans have the capacity to uncover such a truth. Perhaps such a truth doesn't actually exist. Maybe instead of the first example of cutting something in half indefinitely, think of the graph of X squared. It doesn't have a limit, but at the same time the rate at which it(X) increases decreases over time forever. It could be said that the limit is infinity.

It would seem that generally, for things to make most sense to us, everything has a beginning and ending. Thinking about the theory to the beginning of the universe: the big bang, something is essentially created from nothing. At least that's how most folks understand it. According to the theory, the universe was initially infinitely condensed. Now, I'm not even sure what that means, but it would seem to me that according to the theory, the universe was not created from nothing. Now, if there was something at the beginning of time, then that really wasn't the begging at all. Anyway, I've since adopted the idea of the infinite. I don't believe there was a beginning, and I don't believe there will be an end.

Getting back to my pessimistic view that humans are extremely limited to how much they can discover about the universe, I'd like to bring up the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. I first encountered this idea in the book by Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time. It describes in great detail the observer effect, which states that in order to measure something, you must touch it. By touching it, you are moving it, therefore rendering the measurement inaccurate. Related to particle physics, the uncertainty principle suggests that it is impossible to know both the exact location and momentum of a particle at any given moment.

This then gave way to quantum mechanics, which attempts to describe and predict the movements of subatomic particles, which appear to be random. Now, I have absolutely no knowledge of quantum mechanics, or even particle physics for that matter, but from what I know, I believe their movements only appear random because we don't have any real way of measuring them accurately. And no matter how sophisticated our equipment gets, I don't believe there's any real way of avoiding the observer effect. Our human measurements will forever be inaccurate. With our current problems of measurement, there might still exist even smaller particles that we aren't aware of, smaller than that of electrons, protons, and their constituents, a vast variety of quarks. Perhaps matter is infinitely small.

There's a saying that the journey is more important than the destination, which I think might have been Einstein. To me this is true because absolute destination doesn't really exist. The idea of a destination is important though because it provides us with a direction. Living day to day with the idea that you may never reach the end-all goal of a destination, you can find comfort in the evidence that you can continuously improve.

Criminal Justice

First off I would like to thank Jennifer, the author of the blog Cozy Toes for her recommendations. The lecture by Daniel C. Dennett led me to a cute little comic strip that illustrates the issue with free will.

The Dilbert comic along with parts of the lecture left me wondering about the law and criminal justice. Being inherently passive, I've never been too concerned about the law. I figure if I'm content enough with the way things are, there's really no reason for me to get involved. I do watch the news and read up on articles from time to time, but it's just not all that interesting to me.

I've always been very humble in the fact that I could never really know anything for sure. Terms such as right, wrong, good, evil, and morality have meant nothing more to me than just words whose meanings were fabricated and linked to religions and other belief systems. So naturally I've never felt any sort of need to become involved with politics. From my point of view, many politicians or even folks who join the police force or organizations such as the FBI are very passionate people who have a strong sense of what they believe to be right and wrong.

It is for this very reason I could never be a cop, or a judge for that matter. I was watching COPS on television a few weeks ago and they were setting up traps for prostitutes. An undercover cop would pose a civilian who would lure women into their car and eventually get them to name their price. It's at this point when she is arrested. I was just sitting there wondering what was going through these people's minds. Maybe something along the lines of, "yes, we've successfully captured another dirty hooker, we did the right thing" or "this scum is polluting our society, she deserves to be behind bars", or maybe "whoohoo, I did my job, I will most certainly get a raise for this". I felt bad for the woman. I did some light research on the subject, but I could find nothing substantial to convince me that prostitution should be illegal.

While I may disagree with many people's beliefs, I won't deny that in order to live peacefully, we need some sort of government. We then also need people to enforce the laws instituted, no matter their personal beliefs. In my early teenage years I used to go around spray-painting various objects with the symbol for anarchy. I didn't quite grasp the full implications of such a society, but I realized that whatever it was, it would be fair. A free for all, survival of the fittest, as described by one of the villains from The Dark Knight (can't remember if it was the Joker or Two-Face).

So getting back to what I originally planned on discussing, the issue of free will and the law, in regards to how we should treat criminals. In the first part of his lecture, Dennett describes how psychologists suggest how new discoveries in neuroscience will change the way we treat criminals. This puzzles me a bit. I'm not exactly sure how the law treats criminals today, but in my opinion, our understanding of consciousness and free will should not alter the punishment. If you break the law, regardless of whether or not you had the capacity of choosing between one option or another, you will be dealt with accordingly. If you break the law, you are liable to do it again.

Thinking about the Dilbert comic, the little dog questions our ability to 'blame' people for their actions with the idea that all of our actions are controlled by our brain. This somehow suggests that the brain and the person are separate entities. Blame the person. Blame the brain. They are one in the same. And I think that pretty wraps up what I wanted to get across. I meant for this to be a short post.

Look what Dilbert does to me!

Secular Marriage

I always thought marriage was founded by religion. So I never really understood why atheists and gay couples ever felt the need to get married, except maybe for the benefits. Perhaps marriage was strongly tied to religion in the past, which might be why religious folks fought so strongly to prevent same-sex marriages, but after a quick Miriam-Webster visit, there is no mention of religion in the definition.

From a religious point of view, marriage is the symbol of god's plan to match two people up together. I would imagine that most religious folks believe in soul mates, so this ritual would serve a dual purpose. So what does marriage mean to everyone else? Maybe it was just invented by the government as incentive to the rest of us to get married, have a family, and further perpetuate the ideal American dream.

Going along with my most recent blogs, perhaps marriage is simply a communication from one person to another that states both parties are ready to stop the search for their ideal mate; not because they found this person, but because they are ready to compromise. Obviously though from recent divorce rates, this doesn't often last long. Which makes you wonder why.

My grandparents are still married, on both my mother's and father's side. When they got married, I believe they were very religious, but I don't think that was the reason they decided to get married. I'm not sure what their religions are today, but they got married because of their situations. The biggest reason being children, which I'm sure is the reason for 90% of the marriages even today. And they stayed married. This doesn't anymore. I'm assuming it has to do with the slow evaporation of traditional 'gender roles'. The women used to be very depended on their husband and just couldn't afford to leave him. I'm almost positive if I asked either of my grandparents if they believed they were married to their soul mates, they would laugh in my face. The idea that there is probably a better match for you somewhere in the world I'm sure is not my invention.

The one thing I can also say about my grandparents is that they love each other. There's just no doubt in my mind. Whatever love is, they have it. They argue constantly. Sometimes it even seems that they might hate each other from time to time, but they can always find something to laugh about during dinner. This makes it all worth it.

Connecting to my previous blog about attraction, and thinking about the unique personalities of the woman form Sex and the City, it all depends on the person. Samantha for example is on a vigorous search for the perfect man, going through them like candy. Her three friends Miranda, Charlotte, and Carrie on the other hand are a bit more selective and careful. As an end to the series(the movie), while her friends end up with the guy everyone knew they would end up with, she leaves a seemingly perfect relationship because of her unwillingness to compromise. This is just the kind of person she is.

Coming to the realization that it is impossible to search the entire world for the person who comes closer than anyone else to your ideal, how do you know when it's time to stop searching and settle down with a person you feel comfortable compromising with? I suppose it all depends on how ambitious you are, and your standards in general. Some people will search forever, like Samantha Jones, while others are content to settle. Much like finding a soul mate, I wonder if it's equally as difficult to find another person willing to settle. Everyone feels comfort in knowing that something or someone will always be there. Unfortunately there are many deciding factors constantly in flux, there's no way to know for sure. I cannot dwell on these thoughts though, as they are beyond my control. What I can control is my smile. And it will be in use every single day of my life.

Fading Attraction

Yet another interesting conversation with my psychology-major friend leaves me feeling somewhat conflicted. We were talking about past relationships and whether or not people kept in touch after a break-up. I ask her if she talks to her ex-boyfriends at all, and she says no for the most part. Being very naive on the subject, I couldn't wrap my head around why. She then tells me about a psychology study that suggests that after about three years, a certain sort of attractiveness for another fades. From what she tells me, this has been linked to why most marriages fail after an average of three years. So according to this study, even if you date someone for a few years, break up, wait three years for the feelings to go away, you are able to forget about this person altogether. Perhaps this is the reason they say, 'time heals all wounds'. Just wait three years, and just like that you rid yourself of the pain and longing for another. But is it that simple? I suppose its just the way she told me, but from her tone it sounded like an absolute. And if you've read any of my earlier blogs, you'll notice that absolutes and I don't get along very well.

I wouldn't say it's impossible, but highly situational. People change, both physically and mentally. So I suppose it's not hard to believe how attractiveness would also change. But what really gets me is people's ability to cast away experiences and memories so easily. My cynical view leads me to believe that all people really care about is the here and now. The past is the past, who can hold my attention today? Then again I have a pretty limited view and understanding of my peers. Maybe people do silently cry in the rain.

Relationships

Perfection and ideals are purely conceptual by nature, so compromise is essential. This applies to many things, including a careers and relationships. Everyone carries around in their mind an idea of a perfect world. Some concept of an ideal is formed and used as a scale to measure potential real-life situations. As they go through their lives, they choose options closest to their ideal as possible, thus lessening the need for compromise. As better options become available, things are often replaced. Now, unless you believe in soul mates, this includes romantic partners. Compromise is what makes this world go around. When it is absent or has not been established, conflicts occur. Perfection does not exist, and there will always be a gap in people's ideals.

Here's a small excerpt of something I wrote a while ago after scrutinizing the film Before Sunset:

"In a sense, we all have that one person who we compare everyone else to. It may not be your ideal mate, but it is a person in your life you have either dated or befriended who you've identified with on a deeper level than anyone else. It may be a collection of people, a handful, or even just a few. We use this as to gauge new people we encounter. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who goes off the scale. Hell, you're lucky even if someone comes close. This may or may not be true, but from what I know... and from personal experience, we spend an abundant amount of time thinking about this person. Even if you are in a relationship... you might even be somewhat happy with it, but if this person rates even a 9/10 on your mental scale, you can't help but fall victim to the constant flood of thoughts of what could have been, what could be, and if you're willing to repress these thoughts for the sake of your current relationship. "

In my opinion, all attraction is quantitative. Whether you're willing to admit it or not, we measure people, consciously and unconsciously. While objectively, the color of a person's hair or the way they smell are qualitative, they are quantitative to an individual with opinions. Naturally, the person who rates the highest in all categories is usually the one pursued.

Depending on your state of mind, the idea that there will always be someone better than you, can be slightly depressing. The idea that one day you might be replaced can put enough fear and worry in anyone and deter them from starting any sort of relationship.

This cannot stop you from living though. Understand it. Accept it. The important thing is to keep moving while maintaining and embracing the connections you make throughout your life. Despite who you may be with, the connections you make with people should always matter. These are the things that will get you through the day. Keep them close, as they will fulfil you.

At the Bookstore

After my third visit this week, I was finally able to finish my book. I'm surprised I wasn't kicked out. I was there for over three hours today; I actually used the bathroom twice. In my little nook, on the most uncomfortable wooden chair, I devoured one of their books, for free no doubt. I wonder if they secretly keep track of how long people stay there. Every time one of their employees walked by to straighten out the books, I wondered if they were checking on me. I never really looked up though. I'd see people pass me, but only glance at their shoes. I'd take a brief millisecond break from my book and wonder what kind of person they were.

I did look up though when I noticed they worked there. I was curious what sort people they hired. Most of them were women, a mixture of ages. I think I only saw two men there, out of about ten. After chapter 42 or so, I stood up to stretch. I glanced around the corners of the bookcase where I was sitting and noticed an employee heading towards me as she put some books up on the shelves. I stood there sort of transfixed for a second. Long, dark and wavy hair, piercing eyes, a gentle face, classy and professional, yet sexy outfit, and prescription glasses. The look of a librarian. I sat down quickly in my chair and took a breath. I shoved my head back into my book and hovered over the words as I waited for her to pass. Even though she was only a foot away from me, I could barely hear her say, "Excuse me", as she squeezed by; her voice was soft and kind. "I think I'm in love", I told myself.

After I finished my book though, I found I was gravely mistaken.

Follow Your Passion

Whenever contemplating a career path, you always get someone who tells you to follow your passion or dreams, while others will say to stick with what you're good at. What if you don't really have a passion, any special dreams, or anything you're particularly good at?

When you think of the word passion, you think of a strong feeling. When someone has a strong passion for something, they spend an abundant amount of time and thought on it. It should be abundantly obvious to a person what their passion is. I'm hesitant in admitting I have any real passion though, because nothing really sticks out. Everyone's passion levels are different, so it's safe to say that even a person with a 1/10 on the passion-o-meter, it's still a passion. I suppose the one interest that stands out from the rest would be considered the person's passion, the one thing that gives that the person the most pleasure.

This world is run by passionate people. I'd say the more passionate you are with the right amount of intelligence, the much more likely you are to succeed, at least financially. If you happen to share the same passion with someone who is either more passionate or intelligent than you are, the less likely you are to succeed. There's even a chance you wouldn't be able to make a living off your passion.

This is where compromise comes in. I remember in the film Adrift In Manhattan, a intelligent man worked a mediocre job as a mail sorter to pursue his passion of painting. This something I definitely admire. I suppose the reason for my stagnancy, is my unwillingness to compromise. Perhaps also, finding a job in which that compromise would be as small as possible.

One last note on passion: If someone is flirting with you and you aren't particularly fond of them, tell them that you have absolutely no passion. I guarantee that'll do the trick.

February 14th

Two and a half beers in, floating on the last hour of the day, I'm an emotional mess and I have no idea why. I don't really celebrate or even follow holidays, but naturally all the fuss leading up to today coaxed me into feeling this way. Falling asleep the previous night, I imagined my perfect day. Despite how cliche it might have been, it still felt right, and I fell asleep while clinging to the most comfortable image.

I accomplished most of what I wanted to today, but not without lasting afterthoughts. I visited my great grandmother of 86 years. I was hit with an emotional spark a few nights ago, which gave way to a feeling I hadn't experienced in a while. A split-second change of thought, and I suddenly felt the need to become closer to everyone I knew. The first face that popped into my head was that of my great grandmother's. I imagined giving her a hug and asking if she'd like to play scrabble sometime. So that's what I did today. I ended up visiting for upwards of an hour. It was nice, and I could tell she appreciated the visit. I couldn't help but feel for her though as she described her day-to-day difficulties of growing older. She wasn't crying, but I could see from her expression that she was either on the verge, or had been earlier. This is what was imprinted on me.

Believe it or not though, I couldn't think of a better way of spending my valentines day.

The Illusion of Free Will

While struggling to fall asleep the other night, I found myself pondering the idea of free will. Like all moments, day or night, whenever I get a free moment to let my mind wander, I always begin by asking myself, "what do you believe?". This happens quite a few times during the day. I'm not sure why it's so important, but I'm constantly in a state of questioning myself. I'm at a point in my own personal philosophy in which I will refrain from calling anything a fact. I'm a human. I'm faulted. How could I possibly know anything for sure? By always using the verbs to think or believe, I'm implying a theory, to the best of my knowledge.

So I'm staring up at my bland white ceiling wondering why the hell I can't put myself to sleep, and then I start wandering, keeping myself awake for another couple of hours. I then ask myself what I believe. Reverting back to a conclusion I came to several years ago, I reiterate to myself that we're just a bunch of complex particles. Reading a biography on Einstein, I remember that he said we were all nothing but interacting blobs of energy. Energy, atoms, molecules, matter, we're just a bunch of stuff that by chance interacted and coalesced. After billions upon billions of years of chemical reactions and evolution, here we are.

Now when I say, by chance, I don't mean out of thin air. As a logical sort of individual, I have a strong affinity towards the idea of cause and effect. This leads me to a term I have casually researched: Determinism. This philosophy states that everything that happens is determined by prior events. It contains both the ideas of Materialism(everything contained the universe is nothing but a bunch of material), and Causality(cause and effect).

This then brings me to many aspects of Existentialism. Over the years, I've become a pretty big fan of the ideas postulated within this philosophy. Putting it in a nutshell, one of the most attractive ideas is that we are totally free and individually responsible for our own happiness. Thinking about the idea of being free while believing in deterministic variables naturally leads to some contradictions.

According to determinism, everything including thoughts and actions are determined by prior events, or prior configurations of the molecules in the brain. With this in mind, freedom or free will seem to be nothing more than an illusion. While I think and make decisions of my own accord, it is nothing more than the effect of the firing neurons in my brain. To me, claiming that we do have absolute free will is the same as saying that we have a soul that acts independent of the laws of nature.

I suppose it also depends on the semantics.
- Mirriam Webster: "freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention"
- Standford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: "“Free Will” is a philosophical term of art for a particular sort of capacity of rational agents to choose a course of action from among various alternatives."

With the first definition, I would argue against the idea of free will because it's required that prior causes be absent. With the latter though it would seem that determinism and free will could coexist. The choice of the alternatives though, is deterministic.

Putting more thought into the subject, things start getting a bit fuzzy. Thinking back to existentialism, every person is responsible for their own happiness. Determinism denotes that even happiness is deterministic. This is where it gets fuzzy, at least for me. While happiness may be deterministic, the issue of whether we end up happy or sad is not fated. There is a lot that goes into human emotion, and I won't even attempt to explain it here and now.

If I write any more, I'm going to start confusing myself again so I'll stop here.

A Mute Story

The other day I was watching the tail-end of a news cast and when it was over I decided to flip the channels to see if anything interesting was on. I very much despise television as a whole, but I do enjoy many shows on the travel channel such as No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain or Samantha Brown. Neither of those shows were on unfortunately, so I stopped on a decent movie I had already seen and pressed the mute button because I needed to make a phone call. After the call I had forgotten I had the t.v. on and decided to check my email. I stuck on my headphones, selected shuffle on my music player, and carried on my daily Internet habits.

After a quick stop by Lifehacker, I noticed a flash out of the corner of my eye beyond my computer screen and realized the what is was. I sat there and watched the remainder of the movie without sound. In combination with the lyrics and gentle tones of the music that was playing, I created my own set of stories by observing the ever changing facial expressions the characters in the movie displayed. As the songs changed, the stories changed. They say most of our communication is non-verbal, but I would definitely say that words are required to gain the most understanding of what is being said. Otherwise, we are left with a dried-out piece of clay left unsculpted.

This can make for some interesting inventions, but you have to be careful in social environments, especially when someone is talking to you. I sometimes find myself concentrating too much on the expressions and loose track of what is being said. Mastering both visual and verbal forms of expression will help in the overall understanding from one person to another.