6/28/2014

Things We Can Learn From A Cat

Avoid car rides at all costs; cars are death mobiles… driving is one of the more dangerous things you can do!

Allow the experience of fresh air to be enjoyable and avoid the wind in your face because it is damn annoying!

When loved ones come home, always approach them and demand food and exactly 30 seconds of attention.

When it’s in your best interest, practice your pity meow.

Let others know they’ve invaded your territory by clawing the hell out of their hands.

Take long naps and stretch before rising; after rising, circle around the same spot about six times, and then take another nap.

Run, romp, play daily, and chew on all plastic bags in the house.

Eat slowly, loudly, and with your mouth open so that those who fed you are aware that it has been too long since they last fed you.

Be just loyal enough so that you keep getting fed.

Practice the art of pretending so that you can get what you want.

If you have what you want buried, leave it there for someone to clean up later.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, keep your distance and let them deal with their own issues.

Thrive on very short increments of attention and do not let people hug you – head pets and neck rubs only.

Avoid biting when a simple hiss will do, unless you can get away with it.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay on the highest branch of a shady tree so that you may keep track of your inferiors and feel important.

When you’re happy, run around the house like a lunatic, stopping once in a while to practice your ever menacing back arch and sideways hop.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout – run away and stay away from that unreasonable person…

Delight in the relaxing form of cat masturbation: kneading.


Things We Can Learn From A Dog

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig for it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people hug you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout – run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.


5/27/2014

Dealing With Insults

Hey idiot! Why are you so fat? Were you born this ugly?


Have you ever been 'hurt' or 'offended' by what someone has said to you? Has it haunted you for days, weeks, or even months on end because someone thought or thinks you are either stupid, fat, or ugly?


Do you think the reason your feelings are hurt is because you are insecure about something? Do you think that maybe what that person said is true?


It may be true. It may not be. But, it isn't for them to decide. You'll notice in life that people judge others very quickly. Even long-term judgements may be incorrect. No one will ever know you as well as you should know yourself.


You should know who you are. You should know what you look like. You should know what you are capable of. Any thoughts from others are just opinions. Know yourself and embrace what and who you are; be comfortable with things you cannot change and change things you that are possible to change.


It may not be clear what is possible and what is not - but lots of things are possible that may seem impossible at first. The only way to find out is to try; sometimes you need to make a tremendous effort to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


"Offence": annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles.


I see it all the time; even people who are older - so many people are so sensitive to getting their feelings hurt because of 'offensive' remarks.  They feel insulted, hurt, and sad. Why do other's opinions matter so much to an individual?


"Insult": speak to or treat with disrespect or scornful abuse.


I used to get sad if someone said something perceivably insulting. I remember I was in high school and a classmate of mine pointed out that I had a big head. He was with his girlfriend at the time and they both laughed at me. Thinking back, they had very tiny heads compared to the average; I wonder if they ever graduated high school...hmm.


I also remember doing an activity in elementary school where we would dim the lights in the classroom, set-up the old-fashioned projector, and have each student sit in front of the projector so that their heads would cast a shadow on the wall in which we hung a big blank piece of white paper that we would then use to outline the perimeter of our heads with a pencil. Mine was bigger than everyone else's and my classmates made sure to comment on it and laugh about it.


Were they making fun of me? Probably. Why was I hurt? I felt like an outcast; I felt like I didn't belong. For some reason I wanted to be like everyone else. I cowered away and kept my distance from everyone meanwhile feeling like a mutant that no one liked.


Why does it matter so much that you fall within the average? Why does it matter so much that people like you?  It doesn't - at least to me.


If some random person told me today, "Wow man, you have huge fucking head - how do you carry that thing around all day? Haha". If I knew the person, I'd laugh with him or her and joke about it. I wouldn't be hurt or offended. Even if I didn't know the person, I wouldn't be insulted - and even if I was I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hurting someones feelings or getting a rise out of someone. I might shrug my shoulders and say, "Okay" or "Do you spend all day pointing out obvious things?" or "That's why my legs are so strong!".


Depending on the person, more than likely the person isn't even trying to offend you. You should know you have a bigger than average head, so why would someone pointing it out annoy you? If you didn't think it was true, you might ask them to explain why they think so.  If you don't agree, that's okay. Opinions are just opinions.


This applies to anything. Constructive criticism is a big one. Why can't people take it? Criticisms are also opinions. They may be true and they may not be. Is someone criticising you and making you angry? Why are you getting angry?


You'll often hear people say that they get a criticism and it is something about them that they don't want to believe is true, but is. Why is it annoying to you that someone pointed it out? If you think it's true, then look into it. If it's something you'd like to change and it is possible to change, then work toward changing it.


I think a lot of criticisms and opinions that fly around really get under people's skin - they strike a nerve, but it is most likely that person's problem. They aren't annoyed with the criticisms, they are annoyed with themselves. They either haven't come to terms with who they are or they are angry with themselves for not putting more effort to change what they'd like to change.


I'm not saying you should feel free to dish out insults to others because it shouldn't affect them. I'm also not saying you shouldn't defend yourself if someone is trying to insult you or committing slander. Certain situations require defense such as a work environment or if your reputation is on the line.


In any situation though, you should first think about what is being said about you and why. You should then formulate a response and calmly deliver it.


This is all my opinion though, so you may do what you like. But do me a favor and think about what's important - other's opinions of you or your view of yourself. Your happiness is yours to control.


Thanks for reading. Cheers!

1/31/2013

On Certainty Part II

* Update* Related article (not written by me)

http://www.learning-mind.com/10-mind-blowing-theories-that-will-change-your-perception-of-the-world/

Following directly from my last post, I can be certain of at least two things:

1) Everything that we think (ideas) or experience (what we perceive) exists to some capacity.
2) There's no way of knowing the exact (or type of) capacity. (perhaps everything is pure idea)

The computer screen in front of me exists to some extent. Is it a material object that exists objectively, outside my thoughts and perceivances or is it just an idea? I don't know, but it certainly exists!
Okay, I think I can lump this idea into one bullet point: Everything we think of, experience, or perceive exists - but there is no way of knowing to what capacity.

That is a pretty general statement, but it is also pretty solid (in my opinion) in terms of certainty.
So what else can you be certain of? I have provided one thing that I believe to be certain. Descartes was a foundationalist; in essence his whole philosophy was built upon his first meditations - his basic 'foundation' was that since he thinks, he exists. This is the first conclusion he came to - therefore that was his foundation. What I did was similar, but I don't know if I would call it a foundation. In any case, if we can think of anything else we can be certain of, everything must agree and not be contradictory.

The first thing that came to mind is human feelings. Right now I feel happy. Am I certain I feel happy? How the heck could I not be certain that feel happy? I suppose we could follow from our first certainty conclusion. To feel happy is to experience joy. The joy necessarily exists to some extent, to some capacity. The joy exists since we experience it, therefore we feel happy. It is certain!

Even if there is an 'evil god' or 'evil genius' controlling our thoughts in a way that makes us feel happy, but we really aren't. We experience happiness nonetheless. Therefor we are certainly happy at that instant! Let's add it to the list.

1) Everything we think of, experience, or perceive exists - but there is no way of knowing to what capacity.
2) Emotional feelings are certain at the instant they are felt.

You may be thinking that we could just modify 1) to include 2) saying that whatever we experience exists and is certain, but we can't say this! We have to be careful.

TBC ......



On Certainty Part I


I no longer know what I believe. I think it is time to start over (again). Does this sound familiar? René Descartes did something similar in the 1600s. I think it is a good idea to look at yourself and your beliefs once in a while to reevaluate what you think you know. It might seem (at least to myself) that I know quite a lot. But actually, I know very little - perhaps even nothing!

Do I possess the intellect or moral capactiy to judge an objective right from an objective wrong? No.

Do objective right and wrongs even exist? (I don't think so)

Do I know for sure that the sun will rise tomorrow? No. It hasn't happened yet!

Do I know that I will die? No! I cannot predict the future! (You hear all time that 'death and taxes are certain'. Surely you can imagine that tomorrow science will provide a breakthrough allowing our lifespans to exist forever. And taxes? What if I remove myself from society and lose myself in the wilderness?)

It's perhaps even possible that I don't know that a week from now, 2 + 2 will no longer be 4! It might be 9! Indeed I might be just something that is being brain washed or mentally controlled by an 'evil genius' as René Descartes would say, or perhaps an evil god!

I once thought science was safe. Now mathematics is no longer safe... what about pure logic? Perhaps all my thoughts are controlled by something else and what I think is logical actually isn't...(completely objectively without any sort of evil god).

I am lost! I have no ground to stand on. I am floating among clouds of uncertainty...am I happy? Perhaps.. Am I nervous or uneasy? Perhaps..

Wait a minute. This writing. These thoughts. They exist. To some extent they exist. If I am just a computer simulation, it still exists. The evil god might be fooling me into believing  that these things exist, but even if that is true the 'fake' things exist to some extent, even if they only exist as ideas. If none of this existed, it would not occur at all.

So I am certain of something! I am jubilant! What am I certain of? Descartes is popular for the saying, 'I think, I exist' as in 'I think therefore I am' or 'I think therefore I exist'. I think I can go a bit further in my certainty than even this! Everything that I experience exists! Descartes refers to the 'I' that necessarily exists. The I in this case is the producer of the thoughts, the 'thinking thing'. Okay, I can agree with that. But what about everything else? This text on the screen, the walls of this building, my fingers pressing buttons. All those things exist as well to some capacity. It all exists, but I am unsure of the capacity. No matter how much I think about it, there's no way to know the capacity to which things exist.

So there you have it. I can be certain of at least two things:

1) Everything that we think or experience exists to some capacity.
2) There's no way of knowing the exact (or type of) capacity. (perhaps everything is pure idea)

How then shall we proceed to live our lives and attain 'knowledge' if these two things are really the only certainties? Well, we must make assumptions unfortunately. Many of my previous posts made claims of certainty based on big assumptions. It is likely that my future posts will as well, but from now on I will be aware (and will probably mention) that I am reasoning based on an initial assumption.

For example, logic can not exist with the possibility that an evil god is controlling our thoughts. But if we eliminate that possibility, we may proceed.

Are there more than 2? Maybe!


10/16/2012

On Morality

Okay, let's try this again. I initially wanted to try and prove my point like I would a mathematical proof, but that is proving to be difficult (the first attempt can be found at the bottom of the page). So instead I'm just going to lay it out as logically as I can so that it makes perfect sense to anyone who might encounter this. Most of what was already written still applies, but it won't be used in the argument.

Argument:

[       Human behavior comes only from natural needs, instinct, and logical thought processes. The idea of morality is strange, illogical, and is not necessary.      ]

First I need you to be open-minded and willing to be completely objective. I want you to imagine being raised by animals in the jungle, sort of like Mowgli in the Jungle Book. Unlike the Disney movie, I need you to imagine Mowgli being raised without speech. No words. Okay? Great. Also, the Jungle Book implemented moral teachings; what I am doing here is almost the complete opposite.

I think we can all agree that we have a natural sort of pulling for something, a natural hunger for things. This includes a hunger for food, rest, sex, etc. The longer this hunger exists, the more uneasy we become (although not necessarily, e.g. hunger for sex can be suppressed ;). Obviously this hunger is different from person to person.

What comes next? Assuming we are able, we like very much to pursue our desire. This is an example of human behavior that stems from a natural need of something. Since we are thinking beings, along with many other animals, we will probably think about how to acquire what we want. We will weigh our options and go with the route that will benefit us the most.

Human behavior will also be the result of our instincts, where an instinct is a natural sort of response to stimuli . Depending on the circumstance we may have time to think about the proper reaction - the reaction that will again result in the most benefit to us. We may also train ourselves to react a certain way like we do with marital arts.

I just want to clarity something: when say natural, I mean according to our genetic makeup and how are brains are formed. Without any outside teaching, we will be automatically equipped with a need/hunger and a response mechanism. Everyone is different in their body's makeup and therefore have different needs and instincts. We often here about psychopaths and their innate want to hurt others. This may be rare in the human population, but it might also be the case that there are more of these kinds of people out there who are able to suppress this need. In any case, we all have different wants, needs, and desires. Our thought processes are often very different too.

Let's think back to our friend Mowgli. He grows up completely in the woods with no spoken language. Do you think he has any concept of God? What about the idea of morality? I kind of doubt it. How does he make his decisions? He makes them according to his needs and instinct and his ever developing thought process.

Morality today is a big deal among the human population, as is religion and God. Many like to think that morality is universal and that there is a unique set of rules that everyone should follow. Does that sound familiar to you? It sounds to me like the 10 commandments. Morality is defined as a set of principles concerning the distinction between what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.

I think over the span of time that humans have occupied the Earth, many different tribes, organizations, etc have created their own Morality or Moral Code in which the people of that group came together and lumped  their needs and instincts (given certain situations) and came up with an averaged set of policies which everyone should follow. Morality is often interchanged with the word, 'ethics'.

Let's discuss the words 'right' and 'wrong'. Obviously the English language is very confusing because there are so many words with double meanings. When performing a procedure like starting your car, there is a right way to start it and there is a wrong way to attempt to start it. The two words are also used in matters of morality and religion. When not dealing with a procedure, the 'right' thing to do is a reaction in accordance with that particular morality. A 'wrong' action goes against the morality or moral code.

It should be clear now that a 'moral code' or 'code of ethics' are lists made by either an individual or a group; in the latter, they most likely took an average of what everyone thought was 'right'. By 'right', I mean according to each person's sense of instinct. Since instinct varies from person to person, there is no possible way for it to be universal. It is possible that a large portion of the human population agrees with many aspects of every groups system of morality, but it is not guaranteed.

As a result of this kind of thinking, I do not follow any moral code. I follow my instincts, which are different than yours (although I'm sure we have a lot in common). I don't see 'right' and 'wrong' choices - I see choices and outcomes that benefit me the most. I cannot be a judge as to whether another person's choices are 'right' or 'wrong', because they have different needs and instincts. Might I avoid the person if they decide to kill someone for no apparent reason? Absolutely. But I don't say they did something 'wrong' or 'evil'. People may say that I am a moral and ethical person, but I certainly don't follow any code.

* I'd like to add one more thing because it might not have been obvious. While I am indeed a selfish individual ( I think we all are) and I actually made a post about it a while back, I do things for others. Why do I do things for others? Because it makes me feel good. It is part of who I am as an individual, part of my natural needs to sometimes help others depending on the situation. I may appear to be self-less, but I'm doing it because it is going to satisfy my desire to help others.

Well, I hope that made some sense. :) "And that's all I have to say about that... " - Forest Gump




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[What follows is experimentation only]

Here's my argument plain and simple:

Instinct and logical thought processes are the only driving forces for human behavior assuming the human is not under a false belief; if the person is under a false belief, obviously it is the 3rd driving force. I intend to argue that the idea of morality leads to false beliefs.

Personally, I think that I am driven by the first 2 forces. That is to say I don't follow any structure of morality.

Let's start off with some definitions since they are critical to any argument; I'll be pulling them from google's 'define:' function in their search bar.

Morality:
1. Principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.
2. Behavior as it is affected by the observation of these principles.

Conscience:
1. An inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one's behavior.

Instinct:
1. An innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior in animals in response to certain stimuli: "predatory instincts".
2. A natural or intuitive way of acting or thinking: "rely on your instincts".

Now that we have the definitions out of the way, I can start my argument. Let's start off by proposing that we can define anything we can think of. We can even get it published in a dictionary if 1. we can get enough people backing the idea and 2. we can convince the publishers to publish the proposed definition. Imagine for a second that the idea of God had never come up before today. All of a sudden I propose just now the idea that there is an all powerful being who created the universe. So I define 'God' to be just that. Will I be able to publish this in a dictionary? Unless I can convince people that my idea is a real thing, the odds are I won't be able to. I wouldn't have a sound argument for the existence of such a being. Contrary to what some people might believe, there is not a single argument that proves that God exists. Of course, 'God' is in the dictionary under a few definitions depending on the religion it is referring to. That is of course because of the very large backing to the idea of a God.

So that is precisely my point - definitions are ideas and the ideas don't necessarily have any concrete basis in real life. Now you could argue, and I tend to agree with this argument - that any idea which we define, we cannot prove to have any correlation to reality, no matter what the idea is (unless it is a logic or mathematical-based idea). Some ideas and definitions are meant to have some correlation to our reality while others are purely logical.

Let's give an example to further illustrate my point. I'm going to define a flying spaghetti monster to be an animal made completely out of pasta which only appears at night in Antarctica on the 5th of October. This is a definition. Do you think the idea exists in our reality? Probably not, but of course we can't prove that it doesn't. The same is true for any definitions we can think of or that already exist.

Okay, so let's get to the bigger point of this blog. Morality!

But first I'd like to say that in order to argue, you need to make your argument directly from definitions and implications of the definitions. Implications are deductions that you can make logically. In fact, we don't prove definitions, we prove the implications. For example, we define a triangle as a figure with three sides. We can prove that the interior angles always add up to 180 degrees (this is the implication). We prove the implication from the definition.

Morality has a definition, just like anything else. Like I explained before, it has gotten a lot of attentions like the idea of 'God'. The idea of morality is much much different than the idea of a triangle - it is much more complicated and from my point of view it is much more like my idea of a flying spaghetti monster. From a logical point of view, assuming I can understand the argument I have no choice but to believe that all triangles have an interior sum of angles of 180 degrees. If I chose not to believe it, then I would be going against logic and have no basis for argument and proof.

So are there any implications we can prove from the definition of morality? Let's state the definition again:

Morality:
1. Principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.
2. Behavior as it is affected by the observation of these principles.

This is a work in progress but I will publish it now just in case anyone wants to help me finish it.... I haven't yet figured out how to explain what I'm thinking....

To be continued...



1/13/2012

Thump, Thump


Hey you. Yeah, you. I'd like to ask you a simple question and I want you to answer honestly. Are you happy? Truly happy? If not, do you know why? You must know why. There must be something tugging at your heart. You know that feeling. Like someone has their hand around your heart and they give it a slight squeeze every now and then. Every time this happens, you think of a memory. You know what memories I'm talking about. I want you to do something right now. You'll thank me later. I want you to dim all the lights in your room, almost to complete blackness. If there is any noise in your house or apartment, grab some earplugs, or something to block out the noise. Are you following my instructions? I sure hope so.

I now want you to sit down in a comfortable manner. Close your eyes and calm your breathing. Now listen. Do you hear anything? I hope not since I told you to get some earplugs. But now I want you to listen harder. You should be able to hear your heart beat. I am hoping by now with your controlled breathing, it is beating at a slow, steady rate. I don't know if you know anything about our Biology, but this thing in your chest beats only a certain number of times. Then it gives out, sort of like a battery. If you think about it, if you slow the rate at which your heart beats, you are essentially extending your lifespan. So right now as you are breathing easy, you are allowing yourself to live a bit longer. Isn't that neat? But this isn't the main point of this experiment. Yes, I am experimenting on you - I hope you don't mind.

By the way, this is not a meditation. You should not be 'clearing your mind'. You should hear something. You should be hearing your memories. All of those electric tidbits of information in that noggin of yours - they should be dancing around and seem to be displaying themselves on the backs of your eyelids like a projecting mechanism. Flashbacks of your childhood. Your first love. Regrets. Nightmares. Your biggest orgasm. What I want you to do now is focus on the orgasm memory. No, really - trust me. Are you smiling yet? Okay, good. Actually, we're finished here.

Were you expecting something more climactic? Get it - orgasm, climactic; oh man I crack myself up. You do realize how powerful this orgasm, I mean experiment was, right? Not only did you extend your lifespan by slowing down your heart rate, but you even smiled - perhaps even laughed. What you really did was think of a happy memory which provided you with a moment or two of happiness. I want you to do this whenever you are feeling down. Whenever your heart feels like it's being crushed. Sit down and 'stop' time for a few minutes and listen. I promise that if you keep doing this, you'll learn that this is just the first step. First step towards what you ask? A better orgasm of course. ;)

8/25/2011

Back to Basics

Every once in a while I sit back and reevaluate my belief system. I try to make it a habit of mine to constantly question until either everything makes sense, or I reach a dead end. The base of my belief system doesn't often change much, but I sometimes discover properties of the system that I hand't initially thought of. For example a much earlier post of mine questioned the issue of free will in a purely cause and effect world.

In a nutshell, my belief system is pretty simple and can be described by determinism. I don't believe that there was a beginning and I don't believe there will be an end, to the universe that is. We are a bunch of bundles of energy that collide and combine together to form particles, atoms, molecules, etc. Somehow out of the collisions of particles at the proper angles and momentum, we came in to being. All because of cause and effect.

Last night I was thinking about fate. Fate is something I always ascribed to religion, so I always put it out of my head. You always hear from theists that God as a grand plan for us all. Fate always sounded to me like something that was beyond my control. Something is going to happen to me whether I like it or not. Anything to do with predetermined fate or destiny always put me off.

Sure, you can hold an object up in the air and say it is predetermined to fall to the ground. But can you really be sure that it will hit the ground? No, you can't. Say a gust of wind blows you over on your back and the object lands on your groin. We can't know because we don't know or have control over all of the globules of energy in the world or universe. If we did and we knew nothing would interrupt the object as it fell, you think it would be okay assume that the object was predetermined to hit the ground. But, this is also not possible.

Now unless there did exist a god who knew everything and had absolutely no effect on the universe unless he or she willed it and this god told us everything there was to know about the universe, there is no way we could know for sure. Why? Because in order to find out for ourselves, we would have to measure. And in the process of measuring, we change what we are measuring, giving us skewed results (Uncertainty Principle).

But with this deterministic viewpoint, everything is predetermined - but there is no way for us to know exactly what the results will be. So in a sense, we are fated, and we do have a destiny.

An atheist who believes in fate. Weird!

It is bizarre to think that every whimsical action we take is predetermined. Like mentioned before, imagine that we know everything there is to know about the universe without making any measurements. We would then be able to determine or calculate that John Smith from Austin Texas will perform a cartwheel on his front lawn at 5:34 p.m. to show off to his children. It is difficult to accept that everything I am doing right now could have been foreseen if this knowledge was available. Every letter I type is predetermined. It seems very bizarre, but it seems to make sense.

In the same way, it seems far fetched to believe that if I tap the floor right now with my finger, it will send energy from the point of contact all the way to the other side of the earth. But it all boils down to cause and effect. We may not be able to measure it in its finest detail, but it exists.

7/25/2011

Stand Up!

It's been a long time coming, but I am finally trying the standing approach to using a computer. For the time being I am using my bureau since it is just about tall enough. I am one of many who is glued to their computer pretty much all day. There's homework, reddit, email, cheggit ( I dare you to look this up ;), video games (damn you Steam), blogging, did I say reddit already ಠ_ಠ?

After doing much research and even giving a presentation in college about it, I think it's about time for me to try the experiment. If after about a month I like it, I'll be making a trip to Ikea to acquire the parts to make a real desk of my own. I say a month because supposedly it takes about that long for your body and especially feet to get used to standing for long periods of time.

If you are interested, I am trying to get my sitting time down below 5 hours a day. Considering the time I spend in class, eating, driving, and pooping - this becomes somewhat difficult to do. There are many scientific studies on the subject, but my interest spawned from an article that was posted on reddit a while back.

http://www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/sitting-kills/

I will try to post again regarding my results.

7/15/2011

A Visit

"Today a class from a diffirent school came to my school. When they got to my school me and someone else whent to meet them at the front door of the school. First when the class got to my class each person from the other class picked a partner. After that everyone from my class asked the other class to pt theire name on a name tag so everyone from both classes got to know each other. When the princable from my school came in my class room she interduesed herself and told the other class about the school and other things. Next we lined up at the door and went outside to play a game. When we got outside we lined up and each person had to walk across a pavement a diffirent way. Every person had to walk or run or even skiping. Every person had to do something diffirent. from everybody in front of them. After everybody went we got into groups and then larger groups after the whole game and it got hot. Everybody went back into my classroom again. When we got inside we got setled and my teacher made an anounsmint. She said, "my class made your class freindship braclits for you" and everybody in my class gave thier partner the bracelit. After everybody had a doghnut and apple sider. After other people from my class took the other class around the school. Next they left to the front door but befor everybody said good by and see you later. Then me and someone else took the other class to the bus and then everybody said goodby to us to. "

- A description of mine from grade school of a visit from another school. My mother kept most of my school work and I like to go through it from time to time for laughs and giggles. I love all the spelling errors. I hope they still do things like this; I remember it being pretty fun. I think I pulled off a cartwheel when we were all doing 'something different' as we walked across the pavement.

7/10/2011

Connect the Dots

Tears begin falling. They continue to fall harder, and faster. You clench your fists and squint your eyes. You can't believe this is happening. You did not see this coming. You thought you had it all figured out. You feel like your life is closing in on you, squeezing you, forcing you in to an infinitesimal spec of condensed sadness. You can't seem to breath. Your chest hurts. You begin to sweat. Rolling flashes of warmth shoot through your body. Your mind and heart are racing faster and faster. You feel like you are about to collapse in on yourself.

When suddenly you slam your fists on the ground, look up at the sky and scream at the top of your lungs. A release. The stars seem blurry through your running tears. You continue to stare. The stars become more clear as your tears begin to dry on your face. Clusters upon clusters of white specs of light fill your vision. You begin to connect the dots. A line here. A curve there. An image appears. You know instantly what it is and you begin to smile. The smile becomes permanent as your eyes begin to close again. You are calm. You hold your smile for as long as your muscles hold out. Because you know that you are okay. And that you have exactly what you need. And you always will.

6/26/2011

Conscious Breathing

When you cut yourself, your body triggers a pain sensation in your brain. We then react and stop the cause of the pain. No matter the degree of pain or pleasure, our body is trying to tell us something. But are there even more subtle queues than just immediate and obvious pain and pleasure that we fail to pick up on?

As the title suggests, I am talking about breathing consciously. In my experience, you become aware of your breathing either on purpose or unintentionally. Breathing is traditionally thought of to be an unconscious bodily function. Our body breaths for us when we are sleeping, and unless we intentionally take control during waking hours - we usually are not aware of it.

So how does one become aware of their breathing unintentionally? It seems to happen to me sometimes when I run when I wasn't expecting to run. (If I was expecting to run, I will take manual control of my breathing so I don' get cramps). It happens unintentionally when I need to take in big gulps of air. It also happens in periods of inactivity. If I sit down and close my eyes, it seems that my body shifts in to manual control automatically.

What also seems to trigger it is sadness or depression. I initially thought I was alone in this experience, but after mentioning to a family member the other day - I realized it happens to others as well. When you feel sad or depressed, you get a tight feeling in your chest. You then tend to focus on this feeling, and then what naturally follows is your breathing. This has to be a sign.

What the conversation consisted of was a bit morbid, but important. When we are sad, we become aware of our breathing. Not only are we focused on our problems, but we also have to remind ourselves to draw in air and exhale it. If this goes on for longer than say fifteen seconds, it starts to become annoying. What a sad situation we are in when we become annoyed by the act of keeping ourselves alive.

I think though, that our body forces us into manual control for a reason. We have to take control and fix our trajectory. My solution is usually a bit of yoga type breathing. Close your eyes. Breath in. Breath out. Remember that problems can be solved - and if they can't be solve, there is no use worrying about it. Get yourself under control, smile, and then continue living your life the way you want to. You will now breath unconsciously.

I think maybe that many of us don't quite take the initiative to fix what is wrong. We ignore signs that should not be ignored. You worry and control your breathing in an inefficient way, leading to many issues.

Smile. And let your body breath for you.

Friend

When I look at or hear this word spoken, I get a very soft and warm feeling at my core. It occurs regardless of whether or not I have any friends in my life. This happens because of the way I interpret the meaning of the word. Not everyone will have the same reaction as me. While I do agree that there are varying degrees of what a friend is, I feel that the actual embodiment of my interpretation of the word is very precious.

I made a post a while back about performance-based relationships. I argued that friendships were performance based. I don't know if I necessarily believe this anymore. While I think there are many people who interpret the word differently than I do who have performance-based friendships; the essence of what a friend is to me, is not at all performance-based. Much how I believe that love for a family member is unrequited, the effort and care you put in to a friendship is very much the same.

It is a bit of a coincidence, but now that I think about it - a manga that I follow consists of a 'friendship' that is a bit one sided. In a nutshell, one of the two boys cares very much about the other - and the other could not care less. The connection I'm making here is that once someone enters your life and makes a significant enough impact on you personally, this person becomes very important to you. In essence this person becomes a friend to you. The importance of this person will never go away. You will always hold them in the highest regard. You will always care about this person. No matter what.

Now, I realize people may change - and eventually drift apart somewhat. But, I think that real friends will never lose contact. The connections that they made in the past will always be important. Unfortunately, I also think that friendships can be one sided. But I think that once you understand and accept the ins and outs of human interpersonal relationships, you can cope with having a one-sided friendship.

I personally think that true two way friendships are actually quite rare. If you have one, consider yourself very lucky. I am making a huge guess here, but I would say that only 1 in 10 people have a true two way friendship in their lifetime that is not performance based.

Imagine a person who will call you just to see that you are doing well. A person who is not fickle. Someone who will not ignore you for any reason. Someone who will do whatever they can to help you. A person you can call and confide in. Someone you can always fall back on. Someone who is not curious, but actually cares about you. A strong and reliable connection you will never lose in this crazy world of ours.

This is what a friend is to me.