8/25/2011

Back to Basics

Every once in a while I sit back and re-evaluate my belief system. I try to make it a habit of mine to constantly question until either everything makes sense, or I reach a dead end. The base of my belief system doesn't often change much, but I sometimes discover properties of the system that I hadn't initially thought of. For example a much earlier post of mine questioned the issue of free will in a purely cause and effect world.

In a nutshell, my belief system is pretty simple and can be described by determinism. I don't believe that there was a beginning and I don't believe there will be an end, to the universe that is. We are a bunch of bundles of energy that collide and combine together to form particles, atoms, molecules, etc. Somehow out of the collisions of particles at the proper angles and momentum, we came in to being. All because of cause and effect.

Last night I was thinking about fate. Fate is something I always ascribed to religion, so I always put it out of my head. You always hear from theists that God as a grand plan for us all. Fate always sounded to me like something that was beyond my control. Something is going to happen to me whether I like it or not. Anything to do with predetermined fate or destiny always put me off.

Sure, you can hold an object up in the air and say it is predetermined to fall to the ground. But can you really be sure that it will hit the ground? No, you can't. Say a gust of wind blows you over on your back and the object lands on your groin. We can't know because we don't know or have control over all of the globules of energy in the world or universe. If we did and we knew nothing would interrupt the object as it fell, you think it would be okay assume that the object was predetermined to hit the ground. But, this is also not possible.

Now unless there did exist a god who knew everything and had absolutely no effect on the universe unless he or she willed it and this god told us everything there was to know about the universe, there is no way we could know for sure. Why? Because in order to find out for ourselves, we would have to measure. And in the process of measuring, we change what we are measuring, giving us skewed results (Uncertainty Principle).

But with this deterministic viewpoint, everything is predetermined - but there is no way for us to know exactly what the results will be. So in a sense, we are fated, and we do have a destiny.

An atheist who believes in fate. Weird!

It is bizarre to think that every whimsical action we take is predetermined. Like mentioned before, imagine that we know everything there is to know about the universe without making any measurements. We would then be able to determine or calculate that John Smith from Austin Texas will perform a cartwheel on his front lawn at 5:34 p.m. to show off to his children. It is difficult to accept that everything I am doing right now could have been foreseen if this knowledge was available. Every letter I type is predetermined. It seems very bizarre, but it seems to make sense.

In the same way, it seems far fetched to believe that if I tap the floor right now with my finger, it will send energy from the point of contact all the way to the other side of the earth. But it all boils down to cause and effect. We may not be able to measure it in its finest detail, but it exists.

7/25/2011

Stand Up! Part I

It's been a long time coming, but I am finally trying the standing approach to using a computer. For the time being I am using my bureau since it is just about tall enough. I am one of many who is glued to their computer pretty much all day. There's homework, reddit, email, cheggit ( I dare you to look this up ;), video games (damn you Steam), blogging, did I say reddit already ಠ_ಠ?

After doing much research and even giving a presentation in college about it, I think it's about time for me to try the experiment. If after about a month I like it, I'll be making a trip to Ikea to acquire the parts to make a real desk of my own. I say a month because supposedly it takes about that long for your body and especially feet to get used to standing for long periods of time.

If you are interested, I am trying to get my sitting time down below 5 hours a day. Considering the time I spend in class, eating, driving, and pooping - this becomes somewhat difficult to do. There are many scientific studies on the subject, but my interest spawned from an article that was posted on reddit a while back.

http://www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/sitting-kills/

I will try to post again regarding my results.

7/15/2011

A Visit: A Grade School Assignment

"Today a class from a diffirent school came to my school. When they got to my school me and someone else whent to meet them at the front door of the school. First when the class got to my class each person from the other class picked a partner. After that everyone from my class asked the other class to pt theire name on a name tag so everyone from both classes got to know each other. When the princable from my school came in my class room she interduesed herself and told the other class about the school and other things. Next we lined up at the door and went outside to play a game. When we got outside we lined up and each person had to walk across a pavement a diffirent way. Every person had to walk or run or even skiping. Every person had to do something diffirent. from everybody in front of them. After everybody went we got into groups and then larger groups after the whole game and it got hot. Everybody went back into my classroom again. When we got inside we got setled and my teacher made an anounsmint. She said, "my class made your class freindship braclits for you" and everybody in my class gave thier partner the bracelit. After everybody had a doghnut and apple sider. After other people from my class took the other class around the school. Next they left to the front door but befor everybody said good by and see you later. Then me and someone else took the other class to the bus and then everybody said goodby to us to. "

- This is a description of mine from grade school of a visit from another school. My mother kept most of my school work and I like to go through it from time to time for laughs and giggles. I love all the spelling errors. I hope they still do things like this; I remember it being pretty fun. I think I pulled off a cartwheel when we were all doing 'something different' as we walked across the pavement.

7/10/2011

Connect the Dots

Tears begin falling. They continue to fall harder, and faster. You clench your fists and squint your eyes. You can't believe this is happening. You did not see this coming. You thought you had it all figured out. You feel like your life is closing in on you, squeezing you, forcing you in to an infinitesimal spec of condensed sadness. You can't seem to breath. Your chest hurts. You begin to sweat. Rolling flashes of warmth shoot through your body. Your mind and heart are racing faster and faster. You feel like you are about to collapse in on yourself.

When suddenly you slam your fists on the ground, look up at the sky and scream at the top of your lungs. A release. The stars seem blurry through your running tears. You continue to stare. The stars become more clear as your tears begin to dry on your face. Clusters upon clusters of white specs of light fill your vision. You begin to connect the dots. A line here. A curve there. An image appears. You know instantly what it is and you begin to smile. The smile becomes permanent as your eyes begin to close again. You are calm. You hold your smile for as long as your muscles hold out. Because you know that you are okay. And that you have exactly what you need. And you always will.

6/26/2011

Conscious Breathing

When you cut yourself, your body triggers a pain sensation in your brain. We then react and stop the cause of the pain. No matter the degree of pain or pleasure, our body is trying to tell us something. But are there even more subtle queues than just immediate and obvious pain and pleasure that we fail to pick up on?

As the title suggests, I am talking about breathing consciously. In my experience, you become aware of your breathing either on purpose or unintentionally. Breathing is traditionally thought of to be an unconscious bodily function. Our body breaths for us when we are sleeping, and unless we intentionally take control during waking hours - we usually are not aware of it.

So how does one become aware of their breathing unintentionally? It seems to happen to me sometimes when I run when I wasn't expecting to run. (If I was expecting to run, I will take manual control of my breathing so I don't get cramps). It happens unintentionally when I need to take in big gulps of air. It also happens in periods of inactivity. If I sit down and close my eyes, it seems that my body shifts in to manual control automatically.

What also seems to trigger it is sadness or depression. I initially thought I was alone in this experience, but after mentioning to a family member the other day - I realized it happens to others as well. When you feel sad or depressed, you get a tight feeling in your chest. You then tend to focus on this feeling, and then what naturally follows is your breathing. This has to be a sign.

What the conversation consisted of was a bit morbid, but important. When we are sad, we may become aware of our breathing. Not only are we focused on our problems, but we also have to remind ourselves to draw in air and exhale it. If this goes on for longer than say fifteen seconds, it starts to become annoying. What a sad situation we are in when we become annoyed by the act of keeping ourselves alive by having to breath.

I think our body may forces us into manual control for a reason. We have to take control and fix our trajectory. My solution is usually a bit of yoga type breathing. Close your eyes. Breath in. Breath out. Remember that problems can be solved - and if they can't be solve, there is no use worrying about it. Get yourself under control, smile, and then continue living your life the way you want to. You will now breath unconsciously.

I think maybe that many of us don't quite take the initiative to fix what is wrong. We ignore signs that should not be ignored. You worry and control your breathing in an inefficient way, leading to many issues.

Smile. And let your body breath for you.

Friendship: Part II

When I look at or hear this word spoken, I get a very soft and warm feeling at my core. It occurs regardless of whether or not I have any friends in my life. This happens because of the way I interpret the meaning of the word. Not everyone will have the same reaction as me. While I do agree that there are varying degrees of what a friend is, I feel that the actual embodiment of my interpretation of the word is very precious.

I made a post a while back about performance-based relationships. I argued that friendships were performance based. I don't know if I necessarily believe this anymore. While I think there are many people who interpret the word differently than I do who have performance-based friendships; the essence of what a friend is to me, is not at all performance-based. Much how I believe that love for a family member is unrequited, the effort and care you put in to a friendship is very much the same.

It is a bit of a coincidence, but now that I think about it - a manga that I follow consists of a 'friendship' that is a bit one sided. In a nutshell, one of the two boys cares very much about the other - and the other could not care less. The connection I'm making here is that once someone enters your life and makes a significant enough impact on you personally, this person becomes very important to you. In essence this person becomes a friend to you. The importance of this person will never go away. You will always hold them in the highest regard. You will always care about this person. No matter what.

Now, I realize people may change - and eventually drift apart somewhat. But, I think that real friends will never lose contact. The connections that they made in the past will always be important. Unfortunately, I also think that friendships can be one sided. But I think that once you understand and accept the ins and outs of human interpersonal relationships, you can cope with having a one-sided friendship.

I personally think that true two way friendships are actually quite rare. If you have one, consider yourself very lucky. I am making a huge guess here, but I would say that only 1 in 10 people have a true two way friendship in their lifetime that is not performance based.

Imagine a person who will call you just to see that you are doing well. A person who is not fickle. Someone who will not ignore you for any reason. Someone who will do whatever they can to help you. A person you can call and confide in. Someone you can always fall back on. Someone who is not curious, but actually cares about you. A strong and reliable connection you will never lose in this crazy world of ours.

This is what a friend is to me.

Moving

 Trying out a different platform: https://museparade.wordpress.com/