5/27/2014

Dealing With Insults

Hey idiot! Why are you so fat? Were you born this ugly?

Have you ever been 'hurt' or 'offended' by what someone has said to you? Has it haunted you for days, weeks, or even months on end because someone thought or thinks you are either stupid, fat, or ugly?

Do you think the reason your feelings are hurt is because you are insecure about something? Do you think that maybe what that person said is true?

It may be true. It may not be. But, it isn't for them to decide. You'll notice in life that people judge others very quickly. Even long-term judgments may be incorrect. No one will ever know you as well as you should know yourself.

You should know who you are. You should know what you look like. You should know what you are capable of. Any thoughts from others are just opinions. Know yourself and embrace what and who you are; be comfortable with things you cannot change and change things you that are possible to change.

It may not be clear what is possible and what is not - but lots of things are possible that may seem impossible at first. The only way to find out is to try; sometimes you need to make a tremendous effort to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Offence": annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles.

I see it all the time; even people who are older - so many people are so sensitive to getting their feelings hurt because of 'offensive' remarks.  They feel insulted, hurt, and sad. Why do other's opinions matter so much to an individual?

"Insult": speak to or treat with disrespect or scornful abuse.

I used to get sad if someone said something perceivably insulting. I remember I was in high school and a classmate of mine pointed out that I had a big head. He was with his girlfriend at the time and they both laughed at me. Thinking back, they had very tiny heads compared to the average; I wonder if they ever graduated high school...hmm.

I also remember doing an activity in elementary school where we would dim the lights in the classroom, set-up the old-fashioned projector, and have each student sit in front of the projector so that their heads would cast a shadow on the wall in which we hung a big blank piece of white paper that we would then use to outline the perimeter of our heads with a pencil. Mine was bigger than everyone else's and my classmates made sure to comment on it and laugh about it.

Were they making fun of me? Probably. Why was I hurt? I felt like an outcast; I felt like I didn't belong. For some reason I wanted to be like everyone else. I cowered away and kept my distance from everyone meanwhile feeling like a mutant that no one liked.

Why does it matter so much that you fall within the average? Why does it matter so much that people like you?  It doesn't - at least to me.

If some random person told me today, "Wow man, you have huge fucking head - how do you carry that thing around all day? Haha". If I knew the person, I'd laugh with him or her and joke about it. I wouldn't be hurt or offended. Even if I didn't know the person, I wouldn't be insulted - and even if I was I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hurting someones feelings or getting a rise out of someone. I might shrug my shoulders and say, "Okay" or "Do you spend all day pointing out obvious things?" or "That's why my legs are so strong!".

Depending on the person, more than likely the person isn't even trying to offend you. You should know you have a bigger than average head, so why would someone pointing it out annoy you? If you didn't think it was true, you might ask them to explain why they think so.  If you don't agree, that's okay. Opinions are just opinions.

This applies to anything. Constructive criticism is a big one. Why can't people take it? Criticisms are also opinions. They may be true and they may not be. Is someone criticising you and making you angry? Why are you getting angry?

You'll often hear people say that they get a criticism and it is something about them that they don't want to believe is true, but is. Why is it annoying to you that someone pointed it out? If you think it's true, then look into it. If it's something you'd like to change and it is possible to change, then work toward changing it.

I think a lot of criticisms and opinions that fly around really get under people's skin - they strike a nerve, but it is most likely that person's problem. They aren't annoyed with the criticisms, they are annoyed with themselves. They either haven't come to terms with who they are or they are angry with themselves for not putting more effort to change what they'd like to change.

I'm not saying you should feel free to dish out insults to others because it shouldn't affect them. I'm also not saying you shouldn't defend yourself if someone is trying to insult you or committing slander. Certain situations require defense such as a work environment or if your reputation is on the line.

In any situation though, you should first think about what is being said about you and why. You should then formulate a response and calmly deliver it. This is all my opinion though, so you may do what you like. But do me a favor and think about what's important - other's opinions of you or your view of yourself. Your happiness is yours to control.


Thanks for reading. Cheers!

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