9/12/2007

"You're so cute"

On one of my several mile walks home in the past week, I received a compliment that I thought about for the rest of the day. I was crossing the street while looking left to see any oncoming traffic. Halfway to the other side I caught a glimpse of a woman in her early 30's or so in an suv coming up on my left. As she passed me, she shouted out, "you're so cute". I whipped my head to right and watched as she drove away. I stood there for a minute somewhat perplexed. My first thought was, "I wish that were true". I wondered if she was telling the truth or not. It didn't sound to me like she was being sarcastic, but who knows.

A bit later, I took back that first thought. I didn't wish it were true. I don't care if it's true or not. Then I thought, "Is it safe to say that I don't care about my looks?". I suppose it is to a certain extent. I just spent thousands of dollars to straighten out my teeth, so obviously it isn't true that I don't care about what I look like. It's one of those things you think about every day, every time you look into the mirror. "What would my life be like if I were more attractive?". "With my current state of mind, would I even want to be more attractive?".

It's a tough decision no matter which way I look at it. I remember in the movie, A Knight's Tale, a bishop told one of the main characters that it was a curse to have good looks. Although I wouldn't use the word "curse", I would have to somewhat agree with the statement. For an extremely attractive person, I would imagine that it would be pretty difficult to differentiate between superficial people and those who couldn't care less about appearance. For me, that would be a big problem. I could be wrong, but the way I see it, the "uglier" you are the easier it is to see this distinction.

Unfortunately in this world, looks matter. I won't deny it, they matter to me as well, but they aren't paramount. I've beaten myself up over this many times for seeking and idolizing 'beautiful' people, but I've learned that it's just human instinct. It just can't be helped. It is for this reason that I keep up my appearance. On a scale from one to ten, I'd rate myself in the area from five to seven, average I suppose, and I'm content with that.

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