Friendship: Part I

I've never really had a best friend. Sure, out of all of my current friends I can pick one out as my closest, but as far as a "best friend" goes, I've never had the pleasure. I'll define "best friend" as someone you talk to more or less on a daily basis, someone you know almost everything about including but not limited to their favorite color, current crushes, and ambitions. From what I know, most of these types of relationships are formed mainly in the years of adolescence. After high school, in addition to life moving very quickly, you are exposed to so many more people. You not only have less time to establish these sort of relationships, but also a plethora of people to choose from.

Most male relationships in my life up to this point have superficial at best. I can't really say female relationships have been much more fulfilling, but there definitely is a significant difference. I admit much of the reason for this has to do with my personality, but also lies in the contrast between the male and female psyche. I'll be honest, I've never been very social. I would even go so far as to call myself a loner, mainly because I'm very picky as to who I associate myself with. Not because I feel as if I am holier than thou, but because I can only stand being around a certain sort of person.

Among the people that I converse with, more of the personal conversations have either been with females, or gay men. Surprising to me is that I have straight male friends who I myself am more similar to, and yet have not gotten very close to. There seems to be some sort of mental block that prevents us from becoming emotionally close. It is for this reason (among others) that we strive so hard to find our female counterpart to share these unexpressed feelings with. This is just a theory of mine.

After watching shows like Sex and the City, if you don't already have someone in your life such as Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda, you start wishing you did. You also get to wondering about what capacity these sort of friendships exist in real life. I would imagine that deeper, more meaningful relationships exist mainly among women friends, while males maintain a more laconic sort of friendship.

So why is there such a strong need to find such a friend? Personally, a like-minded peer I could confide in sounds extremely appealing for more than a few reasons. Being very introspective, I've become pretty self reliant. I don't often reach out for advice, but that extra objective opinion may make all the difference. From my perspective, finding a best friend is very similar to finding a romantic match, which can be extremely challenging. The main difference between a best friend and a romantic partner is the physical intimacy. Sharing similar feelings and exchanging thoughts and opinions provides comfort, for whatever reason, and that is the importance of maintaining that sort of connection. The problem is finding the person and allowing the relationship to mature.

In the meantime, I will continue to be my own best friend.

https://youtu.be/1qIV_4JVEN8

If only straight men could get this close ;D

Obama vs Mcain

So they're calling this one of the most important elections of our lifetime. With an ongoing "war" in the middle east and our financial "crisis", it would certainly seem like it will be one for the records. Contrary to the attitude I had about a year ago, I will indeed be voting for the next president of the United States. Although I am voting, I still have the same views as I had in a blog I wrote last November: " Don't forget to vote!"

I still know next to nothing about politics and although I have taken a macroeconomics course in college, my knowledge of the economy is extremely limited. Now what I argued in my other blog is that people shouldn't be allowed to vote if they are ignorant in such areas. This of course is not the case. And the scary thing is that there are millions of even more ignorant and biased people than myself who vote every chance they get.

So who do I vote for? I have watched all three presidential debates and honestly, I've learned next to nothing besides Obama being better in front of the camera. Ok, sure I hear them talking about their plans to fix the economy and tarnishing each others reputation but what good is all this to me if I haven't the faintest clue as to how to fix the economy. In the end, I'll have to go with whoever sounds more convincing, and I'm sure by now we all know who that is. I would be extremely surprised if Obama isn't elected president in November.

Besides being good in front of the camera, Obama has some other things going for him. People want change. They are convinced that Mcain's presidency will only be a continuation of Bush's, and that is not an option. Mcain has been trying lately to seperate himself from Bush, but I think it's too late. His record of voting with Bush 90% of the time is clear, and is one of the biggest reasons he will lose the election.

Having mostly democratic views myself, I will be voting for Obama. It may be a clear cut choice to many people, but it really isn't an easy decision from my perspective. I'm taking a risk either way, but I do feel a bit more confident in someone who I agree with on more subjects. See you on November 4th! Go out and vote!

Olympics? No Thanks

So the Olympics have come and gone, and won't return for another four years. Frankly, I couldn't care less. I'm not here to bash the Olympics, not intentionally anyway. I just wanted to write, and since the Olympics flooded the news for weeks, it popped in my head as something relevant to write about.

I didn't even know the Olympics were going until I visited my mother one weekend to find it playing on tv. I didn't have a television at my place at the time, but soon thereafter I started noticing more and more of the news based sites I visit covering almost nothing but Olympic stories.

I personally don't care to pay any attention to the Olympics, obviously; the reasons being very similar to why I don't affiliate myself with any sports period. I admit they're entertaining to watch from time to time, and I'm sure that's the main reason most people watch them, but there are many things that deter my attention.

One of the biggest reasons is: I am not concerned with who is the best. After watching some of the Olympics this year and observing some of the winners and losers responses, I can't really understand their joy or disappointment. Some of the Olympians are quoted and noted for striving off the rush and satisfaction they get from defeating the competition and being on top. On the other hand, the ones who didn't happen to come out on top are left defeated and disappointed.

Now I can't speak for anyone else, but what I'm most interested in is personal growth. How far can I push myself? In a world where everyone is different, what's the point in comparing each other? I admit that competition pushes everyone to be better individually, but where does this satisfaction or disappointment come from if we are all built differently biologically and have different abilities when we are compared to others?

I'm not sure. This sort of perspective applies to more things than just sports, but I won't get into that now.

Still Here

Three hours later and I am still here. It is now lunch time and this place is hoppin'! Every single chair is taken and instead of being able to zone in on anyone's personal conversation, I now can only overhear the people directly next to me. About five minutes ago I was being tortured by three beautiful teenage girls pontificating to each other. Now there are a couple of business partners discussing different ideas and strategies that'll help their firm. Meanwhile, before I started writing this blog, I was browsing random blogs via the Blogger random blog searcher button. This is what I like about getting out of the house, but at the same time, once a month is almost overkill, for me anyway. I don't know, maybe if I did it more often and changed the setting every now and then, I could learn to enjoy it a bit more.

Well now this is interesting. A middle aged man and woman now, the woman who just wrote a teenage inspirational book and the man talking about her tour and or workshop. Something was said about a $15,000 something or other and a side conversation led the man to describe that he has two children ages six and ten who receive home schooling.

The conversations are getting more interesting and my stomach is becoming more vacant, so I'm going to grab a soup and call it a day.

My Birthday

So today is my birthday. I've decided to spend it by myself; thought maybe I'd drive around town, stop by some coffee shops and/or libraries, to think a bit. Exactly a year ago I believe I was asleep in my dorm room after a heavy night of drinking, dreaming, and dreading my early morning calculus class. Now I'm here at a Panera Bread, out of school, writing about whatever comes to mind. I was born twenty two years ago. Seems like a long time, but it's really not in the grand scheme of things, naturally. Some people graduate college at my age; me, I've barely completed two years. I'm honestly not worried about it though. Once I do complete whatever it is I end up completing, I'll probably be doing the same thing for the rest of my life, so what does it really matter if it takes me several more years.

I guess I've been at a lack of things to write about lately, mostly because it seems that I've been writing in circles, covering the same damn topic, only with different words, not really getting anywhere. Of course I probably would have expanded on whatever it was that I was trying to get across if I had gotten some responses. I wasn't expecting any though, of course, but it is the main reason why I'm posting blogs on the internet. Perhaps if I was talking about sex, I'd get more attention. It's not that I want or enjoy attention, I'm just curious to see if anyone feels the same way I do. Curiosity of course is often confused with the verb: to care.

So instead of running in circles, I think maybe I'll start posting movie reviews, since I watch at least five movies per week. And I'll start right now. I'll probably only write about the ones that I liked, although I might throw in a comment or two on how much I disliked a movie I had high hopes for. First up, a dual review!

Adrift in Manhattan ***.5

This is one of those films with several separate, yet intertwined stories, although not as many as Paris Je Teim, which all come together at the end in a dramatic easter basket with a bow on top. Although a bit unbelievable at times I really enjoyed this film. I am almost convinced that movies need an unbelievable aspect to them in order for them to be at least somewhat successful. I honestly don't feel like writing a summary of the film so I'll just point out what I liked about it. I suppose the main thing I liked about it was the silent communication and understanding that went on between the two main characters. A lot of the story followed a quiet young photographer taking photographs in a park who stumbles across a somewhat somber woman on a bench about fifty yards down from him. As he starts to take photos of her, he becomes somewhat obsessed, and eventually follows her home. And now I'm doing exactly what I said I didn't want to do: write a summary. Anyway, he takes pictures of her in her home from across the street and captures emotional moments with his camera and later sends them to her anonymously. Although frightening, these pictures point out to her exactly what she feels mostly strongly about, and eventually leads to her solution, hence the silent communication.

Ira & Abby ****

Yet another film set in Manhattan. I am glad I make it a habit to watch the entire movie, despite it having a horrible beginning. I know many people who will turn the movie off because it started off bad. The beginning of this move was so very cliche and unbelievable, "oh my god I can't believe I rented this movie" kept running through my head. As the story progressed though, I liked it more and more, and by the end up of it, I had a smirk on my face and continued to think about it throughout the ending credits. As I listened to the music that played whilst I mused, I was reminded of the Ratatouille soundtrack and the wonderful story that went along with it. I enjoyed this film for a number of reasons, but mostly because of the underlying themes: marriage is meaningless, and love (unconditional/true) is just an illusion. Cold hard theme's indeed, but true..in my opinion. Although these ideas are somewhat depressing for those who haven't accepted them, they were portrayed in a very very hilarious way. For example: every single character in the film saw a shrink and towards the end of the movie all of the characters and their shrinks came together in one room and had a maelstrom of a discussion, throwing around random insults and subtle bouts of philosophy in an attempt to explain their feelings. Although still early, this is my favorite movie so far in 2008.

It's funny how I viewed these films so closely together because they share many things in common. First off, the most obvious, they're both set in Manhattan. Second, and most impacting to me, each film had a character with the same viewpoint on life: you can be perfectly content living life with a mediocre job that pays the bills, without really having any major plans and/or life goals. Much like a monk, you can find happiness leading a simple life, and that is what I identify strongly with.

Another Day

You'd think that someone would plan something special for their day off from work, but all I did was sleep. I did have some things in mind that I could have taken care of, but instead I did what I like doing best: curl up in my blankets, embrace my pillow, and sleep for a short eternity. For about eighteen hours straight, I slept. I'm not sure if that's normal or not, but that's what I've been doing with my days off. I've got nothing better to do, not really. I woke up today, somewhat refreshed, ate six slices of left over pizza, and then proceeded to watch three movies in a row; all three being a variety of romance. Now I'm sitting here wondering if maybe this cycle of prolonged dreams and romance films could potentially act as a permanent placebo to the void in my life.

Beauty & Attraction

I do believe I have brought this topic up before, but it is something that irks me to no end. It is one of the key reasons that I may be forever single, among many others. The topics at hand here are looks and attraction. Recently I've been around more people, mainly because of my job, the general pubic to be more specific, and so this forces me into thinking about it more often. Not so much putting more thought into it, but instead mulling over it more often. Circling around in my mind, annoying the hell out of me, like that girl at that concert who keeps whipping you in the face with her long hair every time she turns her head. I suppose that's not exactly the right reference, since the feeling is completely different. A better one would be: after eating a full satisfying meal, thinking about how there's probably a small child out there somewhere in the world starving to death. That sort of morose feeling some people get, that's the one. Actually, it's more of a cynical feeling.... a wow this world if fucked up feeling. But then I think, who I am I say such a thing? Who am I to say the way things should and shouldn't be. I find it odd though because I'm probably one of the most apathetic people in the world. Why do I care about such things? Why do I let them bother me? And I think I just thought of the answer to my own question: because I am a part of it; the same thing is being done to me and I don't like it. I don't like it because it isn't fair. If there's one thing I believe the world should be, it would be fair. I believe this world should be fair. Unfortunately it is not, and unfortunately I am confusing myself.

Okay, scenario time. I encounter many people during the day, it's part of my job. I encounter many women during the day, many good looking, many not so good looking. I'm normally attracted to the good looking ones, I won't lie, it's human nature, something I can't help. Of course this is just physical attraction I'm talking about. My male coworkers for example tend to flirt with the more attractive girls. I look at them and shake my head. Why exactly do the better looking girls deserve more attention from you than the less attractive ones? How do you think the girl second or third line feels when she gets to your register and you neglect to give her as much attention as you gave the better looking one earlier? I have the same feelings as my coworkers but I do not act on them. Whenever a good looking girl comes up to my register I freeze up, my throat becomes dry as I swallow hard, and think about things twice before anything stupid comes out of my mouth. But I don't flirt. I don't act on that attraction because I know it is only a physical attraction and also for that reason I stated before. After that short interaction with that beautiful girl and my head in the clouds, I come back down to earth and feel resentment toward how I felt, even though I didn't act on it. Then I start feeling bad because I wouldn't have had these feelings with lesser attractive girl. I don't just do this at work, I do this every time I'm around people. And it is for this reason why I neglect to act, period. I won't flirt with the "ugly" one because they just aren't pleasant to look at, and I won't flirt with the "pretty" one because it isn't fair to the "ugly" one. And so I am at a stalemate with myself because of my "values" if you will.

Now, I absolutely hate the words: pretty, ugly, beautiful, etc; I avoid using them whenever possible. It is for the reason I stated previously, because of the repercussion that it causes. Of course people aren't divided into the pretty and ugly, and also as my last fortune cookie stated "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I'm also not saying that I would never be interested in someone whom I considered bad looking. All am I'm saying is that the more of a physical attraction I have, the stronger the urge; and well I'm sure this applies to everyone. What I am interested in is what's within this often misleading cover. The problem is getting at that substance.